It’s always traumatic for children to see their parents split up, but what made it even harder for you to cope was that your father did not do his duty by you.
Dear Nadine Khan,
I am a 23-year-old girl. My parents got divorced when I was 6. My father had abandoned me totally. He is very rich, but never sent money for my education and stuff. He married his colleague, right after the divorce. My mother re-married after two years, and I don’t like my step-father at all. I even contacted my real father some years back but he was not very happy to hear from me. He thought I was after his money, and made it clear that he has a new life with a new wife and two kids. Anyway we have had no contact ever since. I have become very moody and get depressed easily. I have seen a couple of good psychiatrists, but they haven’t helped. Also, I dislike guys because I think most of them are like my dad. So far my attitude towards my male class fellows was so rude that they didn’t try to befriend me, but this particular guy, who is in a different department but in the same year, shows a lot of interest in me. I have been studying with this guy for nearly three and a half years and I like him too. But I have not been able to give him the green signal yet. But what prevents me from allowing myself to give in to my emotions is the fear of the male specie. He might leave me and marry someone else. Also, I think it’s extremely hard to judge whether a guy really likes you or is just trying to pass time. This is another thing which restricts me from replying to his advances. I am also a very religious person by heart and also believe that even if I start giving him signals then that would be wrong. Please help me out; I don’t know what to do. Even if it is not this guy and I meet someone else later in life how will I ever be able to judge his feelings?
Disturbed Opal
Dear Disturbed Opal,
It’s always traumatic for children to see their parents split up, but what made it even harder for you to cope was that your father did not do his duty by you. Men don’t abandon their children even if they split up with their wives. Had your father remained in touch with you and looked after your needs, you wouldn’t have developed this dislike and mistrust towards men. Your mood swings are understandable, in the circumstance, but if you want to live a happy life, you must make an effort to shrug off negativity and make a deliberate effort to take things lightly.
My dear, your father’s behaviour leaves a lot to be desired, but all men are not like him, and you will have to trust someone to lead a normal life. This guy who is interested in you seems serious about you. If you want to judge his intentions, ask him directly. If he tells you that he wants to marry you, tell him to send his proposal. Religiously, it’s not wrong to talk to a male if your intention is to find out whether he is suitable for you or not. A standard response of men who are not serious is that they don’t have a job and are not in a position to speak to their parents. If this happens, you can tell him to send his proposal and make things official. The marriage ceremony can be held later when the guy is settled. Try to be happy and keep a positive frame of mind, and good things will happen. Good luck!
