Letters

Dear Nadine,

I am a 45-year-old married woman. I have three children, two daughters and a son. All my children are married. My husband and I live alone in our five bedroom house which now seems too big for us. My son moved out a year ago because his wife was not comfortable living with us. We had given the first floor to her so she could have her freedom and privacy. This portion has three bedrooms, a living room and even a small, fully equipped kitchen, so she was independent in every sense, but she was still unhappy. She did not like the fact that my son used to spend an hour with us every day. She created such a fuss that we asked our son to do what she wanted to save his married life. He rented a two-bedroom apartment in an old building and a locality that is not very good, but that is all he could afford. Our house is in a posh area, but my daughter-in-law is happy in her small apartment because she lives alone.

The problem arose when we decided to sell this house and buy a small apartment. We decided this because looking after a big house is not easy. My daughters said that we shouldn’t do it because our son would ask for his share. My son did exactly that and said that after selling the house we should give him the money so he could buy an apartment for himself. My husband became disturbed and said we will not sell the house and leave it for the children to dispose it after our death, because if we sell the house and give money to our son, it will be unfair to our daughters. My husband says that according to the law, after his death the money from the sale of the apartment will have to be divided among all three children. So our son would get a lot more than he should, and our daughters will get far less than they are entitled to.

I understand my husband’s reasoning but feel very depressed in this house. I have become jittery and it is my poor husband who has to deal with my mood swings. Tell me, Nadine, what can I do to make my life better?

Lonely Mother

Dear Lonely Mother,

You and your husband seem to be very decent and understanding people, and have been very accommodating towards your daughter-in-law. It is unfortunate that your daughter-in-law is so unreasonable and possessive. Had she been a reasonable person she would have appreciated the fact that she had an independent portion in a big house, but unfortunately she chose to live by herself. Now, it is her right to have an independent place, and your son should have pointed it out that she had been provided just that. Since your son chose to move out, he is in no position to demand anything.

Your husband has the sharai law right. Property has to be divided among heirs after death, so he was right when he decided to not sell the house because it is not easy to refuse money to children if parents have it. And if you buy an apartment and give your son the money he wants according to the law, he will still be entitled to the money from the apartment that you will buy after selling your house. The proceeds from its sale will be divided among all three children, after you are no more unless you clear it with your son that he would not get anything. Even then he can challenge it in the court and win.

If it is possible, ask one of your married daughters to live in that portion. If this is not possible you can rent out your first floor since it is an independent portion. This will mitigate your sense of loneliness and yield revenue at the same time. Best of luck!

 

You can e mail Prof. Nadine Khan at nadinekhan_34@yahoo.com

Note: If you feel you need someone to talk to when you are alone,

to hare a problem with, or just to get something that has upset

or disturbed you off your chest, share it with us. Write to

Prof. Nadine Khan, ­c/o Editor ‘You!’ magazine,

The News, Al-ehman Building (4th Floor)

I.I Chundrigar Road, Karachi.