I am very confused. What should I do? Should I go ahead with my plans or should I consider people’s advice? Please help....
I am confused
Hello Guru,
I am a great fan of your advice column, and have been reading it since I was in secondary school. My problem is related to my career. I am a medical student and have the ambition to become a surgeon, but everybody around me discourages me. They say that being a girl it is difficult for me to carry out my responsibilities as a surgeon and after I get married it will be even more complicated to balance my married and professional lives. I am so puzzled. On the one hand I have my career which is my passion, too, and on the other hand I have these reservations which people have put into my mind. There is this proposal for me from a very good family but the guy wants me to be a housewife. My family is pressurizing me to accept this proposal. They can wait till the time I finish my MBBS. All they want is a doctor bahu as a showpiece but they won’t tolerate a working doctor. Guru, I don’t want to compromise just for the sake of getting married. I am very confused. What should I do? Should I go ahead with my plans or should I consider people’s advice? Please help.
An Aspiring Doctor
Dear Aspiring Doctor,
I am very impressed that you want to become a surgeon. I don’t know whether you want to become a general surgeon or have some specialty in mind, but I can gather that you are a bright student and if you work hard you can achieve your goal. Well, people say all sorts of things and you should not worry about it. Just keep one thing in mind - a doctor is a doctor regardless of gender. You should be good in your work. Do not listen to others. Just do what your heart says. There are so many women surgeons in the field who are doing remarkable jobs despite being married. I don’t think after studying so hard you would like to settle in life as housewife. Muster some courage and say no to this proposal. Dear, you have to put your foot down if you want to achieve your goals. Normally doctors marry doctors for only they know the demands and pressures of the job. Try to find a likeminded person, someone who can understand your nature of job and your heart, too. So, go ahead with your plans. Keep your spirits high. I am sure you’ll be a successful surgeon as well a successful wife. Good luck!
She is a scrounger
Salam Guru,
I am a 23-year-old single girl. I am a graduate, working in a private firm as a junior executive. I belong to a middle-class family. My problem is not that big but it is something which has been bothering me of late. My problem is related to my colleague, Z. She joined our office a year back. She is a beautiful and friendly girl and we became friends instantly. We used to eat together at lunch time. Still, we eat together but now I am fed-up of treating her all the time. My mom gives me lunch enough for two people. I don’t mind sharing but I have noticed that she never offers anything. She gladly eats my lunch, but never reciprocates. I feel uncomfortable now. Guru, I don’t know how to handle this situation. Please suggest me something. I don’t want to offend her but I can’t feed her forever.
Fed-Up X
Dear Fed-Up X,
There are all kinds of people in this world. Some are generous enough to share their food with others while some are freeloaders. Freeloader is an informal word for someone who takes advantage of generous people, who expects to get things from them for nothing. Your colleague is clearly a freeloader. Dear, now that you know what type of person she is, I suggest you take a step back and be a little assertive. Slowly and gradually try to maintain distance. She also earns like you do and she should also spend on food. Do one thing; stop bringing food from home. Order something from outside for few days, in which case she will have to pay her own bill. Try this. You can resume bringing lunch from home after few days; I am sure by that time she will understand that there are no ‘free lunches’. Good luck!
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