COMIC RELIEF

Jon’s working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the emergency room.

The doctor says, “Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I’ll see what I can do.”

Jon says, “I haven’t got the fingers.”

The doctor says, “What do you mean, you haven’t got the fingers? It’s 1998. We’ve got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn’t you bring the fingers?”

Jon says, “Well, Doc, I couldn’t pick them up.”

What could be worse?

15 minutes after the Titanic sank, Mick and Patrick find themselves on the same overturned lifeboat. The water is freezing, sharks are cruising by, and the boat is slowly sinking.

“Oh, well” said Mick, “It could have been worse”.

“Worse? How could it be worse?” screamed Patrick.

“Well, we could have bought return tickets!”

A discussion between two roaches

Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant.

“I was in that new restaurant across the street,” said one. “It’s so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere—it’s so sanitary that the whole place shines.”

“Please,” said the other roach frowning. “Not while I’m eating!”