My husband T is very loving and caring but he is not ambitious....
He is mine
Salaam Guru,
I am an 18-year-old girl from a middle-class family. I have one older sister Z who is 23 years and one older brother K who is 26. Since I am the youngest in the family, everyone treats me like a baby without realizing that I am a grown-up girl now. Guru, I am in love with my cousin J. He is very handsome and a real genius. He is a corporate lawyer and works for a renowned company. He is 10 years older than me but we are very friendly with each other. I am pretty sure he likes me too but I haven’t been able to disclose my feelings to him. Now, the problem is that my older sister Z has recently told me that she is in love with J and both are romantically involved with each other. Z has no idea that I also have feelings for J. Guru, I am so shocked. How come J is having an affair with my sister when he is so friendly with me? I am much prettier than my sister and there are so many boys in my extended family and neighbourhood who are after me but I don’t pay attention to them. My first and last love is J and no one can snatch J from me, not even my sister. I am fuming. I cannot sit quiet for a very long time and am going to burst soon. What should I do?
Angry Bird
Dear Angry Bird,
Hold your horses gal. You don’t need to be so edgy. First of all you need to straighten your facts. If someone is friends with you, it does not mean that he is also interested in you. The fact of the matter is that J was never interested in you. It was you who was romantically inclined towards him. So, actually it wasn’t his fault if you assumed he liked you too. Maybe you are prettier than your sister but may be J finds your sister more attractive than you. Actually, you cannot make comparisons. J did not cheat you; he was just being friendly with you. Instead of fuming and thinking of snatching J from your sister, I suggest you to cool down and think it over rationally. Z and J love each other. They are in a steady relationship whereas you are nowhere in the picture. Wake up from your day dreaming girl and try to accept the reality. There is no point being so possessive about J. Z is your own sister, feel happy for her. And you can’t possibly ignore the fact that you are much younger than J, and Z is a suitable partner for J. You need to understand that there is no compulsion in the matters of heart. You cannot force anyone to love you. Don’t run after it; you will get nothing. Good luck!
My husband has a laid-back attitude
Dear Guru,
I am a great fan of your column. I am a 24-year-old married girl. My husband T is very loving and caring but he is not ambitious. Actually, I live with my parents-in-law and two unmarried sisters-in-law. Since my husband is the only son, he is thoroughly spoiled by his parents. My father-in-law has a shop in Saddar, Karachi. He is around 62 but he is fit and healthy. T helps my father-in-law but he is not motivated towards earning more or to do something on his own. I am sick and tired of his laid-back attitude. I am very worried about our future. I am expecting and I don’t know when T is going to realize his responsibilities. What should I do?
Agitated Wife
Dear Agitated Wife,
Relax! You don’t need to take so much tension, especially at this time. Your hubby is not a bad person; it’s just that he is relying too much on his parents. Since he knows that he has financial support and backing of his parents, he has become lazy. But there is nothing to worry about, most men are like that and with a passage of time, they realize their responsibility towards their own family. And I’m pretty sure when T becomes a father, he will become more responsible. Meanwhile, talk to T’s father in this regard and tell him to persuade T to start doing his own business or to do some job which will give you a sense of security. Good luck!
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