I am mentally disturbed
I have written to you thrice and your advice always proved right for me. I am a 24-year-old girl. I have always been a hard-working and a top scorer girl. After my bachelor’s, I worked for a reputable organization but the unhealthy workplace environment with typical men around disturbed me mentally. I tried hard to cope, but after facing a lot of bullying, harassment, negativity and conspiracy, I broke down. I resigned despite my parents’ wanting me to continue with it. Although I come from a well-off family, my parents happen to be greedy and they never let me have my own salary. I have been jobless for six months. My parents want me to take up a job but I want to go for Masters in Business Administration. I am trying to get a student loan for that as my parents do not support me financially. I am so disappointed and depressed. Even my own parents don’t understand me. I have no one to understand me. Please tell me what to do.
Dear Extremely Depressed,
I can comprehend your predicament but dear you have to take charge of your life and try to come out of your ‘poor me’ mode. I know ours is a patriarchal society but there are a hundred and thousands of brave, working women out there who are doing brilliantly in our male-dominated society. I think you were intimidated by men in your previous office and you resigned out of fear but remember wherever you go, you will meet lecherous men; you have to face them boldly. Be confident, men usually harass timid women but stay away from brave, confident women. And don’t feel bad about your parents’ attitude towards you. I don’t know your parents’ logic behind keeping your salary with them but on the other hand they do provide you with all the necessities of life. After all, they are your parents and you have to give them due respect. If you want to study further, instead of taking loan why don’t you take up a job to bear your expenses? Sit with your parents and tell them frankly that this time you won’t be able to give your salary to them as you need money to pay your tuition fee. Try to persuade them with logic. Hopefully they will come around. Take interest in life and don’t feel dejected. You are a young and bright girl; you just need to see life from a positive angle. You cannot expect people to come to you; you have to make an effort. Be brave and take an initiative, try to mingle with people and make friends. When you talk to your friends, it will refresh you mentally. Remember, your happiness is in your own hands. Good luck!
I am sick and tired of this system
I have been a regular reader of your column for many years. I am a young man, settled in Saudi Arabia. I earn good money but I am not happy. My problem is related to the unjust system in Pakistan. When I was young, I wanted to join the police department but couldn’t as they demanded a huge amount to make me ASI. I even tried for government job but in this country, you cannot get a job if you don’t have a source or are not politically connected. I was very disheartened and decided to leave Pakistan. Somehow, I managed to get a job in Saudi Arab and now I am financially stable. Though I am settled, I want to come back to Pakistan as my mother is very sick and she needs me. But I know when I come back I will have to face the same issues, same injustice and same discrimination in every sphere of life. I am sick and tired of this system. What should I do?
Dear Disgruntled Man,
I could see anger and frustration in your long letter (which I had to edit). But you need to understand that one has to live within the system whether one likes it or not. I agree with you but not totally. Yes, nepotism is there and discrimination is there but if you are competent enough then you can make your place in this ‘very’ system on merit. If you wanted a government job, then why didn’t you opt for CSS exams as they give fair chance to everyone? If you want to come back, then do so. This time don’t go for a job, start a small business from your savings and be a productive citizen of the society by giving employment to others, too. Good luck!
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