My mother acts like we are their slaves; as if only they deserve respect....
My sister’s in-laws are so unreasonable
Respected Guru,
My name is M. I belong to a middle-class family. My problem is related to my sister's in-laws. She has been married for eight years. We respect her in-laws and every time they visit our city we invite them to dinner. But they don't respect us at all and create fuss on petty issues. Yet, they want us to invite their whole extended family to our home. In this inflation, it’s an added burden to arrange lavish dinners, but my sister is only concerned about her status and reputation in her in-laws. My mother acts like we are their slaves; as if only they deserve respect. My sisters and I have tried to talk to our mother and our sister multiple times about this issue politely as well as aggressively, but in vain. My father also notices this but my mother has her own logic. She just says that they are her daughter’s in-laws, so she has to do it. I don’t understand why we have to please them so much, just because they are my sister’s in-laws! Don’t we deserve any respect? It hurts me so much. I sometimes want to talk to my sister’s mom-in-law directly, but I know that this will aggravate the situation. I am in a fix and can't withstand this humiliation anymore. Should I talk to my brother-in-law? What should I do?
Depressed Sister
Dear Depressed Sister,
Unfortunately, in our social setup, it is generally believed that the man’s family has the upper hand and the girl’s family is expected to be humble and courteous. While it’s good to pay due respect to one’s in-laws, no where is it written to tolerate their unjust behaviour. There is one thing which is called ‘mutual respect’. You can’t be at the giving end all the time. Sadly, your sister’s in-laws are way too arrogant - to say the least. Your mother is a typical eastern woman who is trying her best to keep her daughter’s in-laws happy so that her daughter can live in peace. You can’t blame your mother for behaving spinelessly; it is your sister who needs to see how her in-laws treat your mother. She should talk to her husband. Sadly, she seems like a selfish daughter who does not care about her family and is only concerned about her status. I truly understand your feelings but right now you can’t do much except; just be patient. You anger is justified, but these are sensitive issues which need to be handled sensibly. Well, no point talking to your sister’s mom-in-law. However, if you are close to your brother-in-law then you may talk to him. But be very polite and talk in way that he won’t be offended. May be he is ignorant of what his mother is doing and may come up with some solution. Meanwhile, you can only try to reason with your sister. Good luck!
She has ditched me
Hey Guru,
I am a great fan of your advice column. The way you handle teen problems is commendable. I am a 15-year-old guy. I study in one of the prestigious schools of the town. Guru, I have been in love with a very beautiful girl, K, since grade 8. She is my classmate. But Guru, K just ditched me for another guy, Z. We were like best friends and she used to love me a lot. I was so shocked when she suddenly left me. Z is a rich guy with lots of attitude. Everyone in the school thinks he is very cool. I feel so jealous when K hangs out with Z in front of me. I feel like beating Z, but I am very weak and cannot do it. I feel helpless. I still love K. Please tell me what I should do. I am so heartbroken.
Lost Dude
Dear Lost Dude
Don’t lose heart, my dear. You are only 15 and life has just begun for you. Don’t feel sorry for yourself. I know you were emotionally attached with K, but you need to face the reality that she has left you. It’s all part of growing up. K is an immature girl who does not know what type of guy she likes, so she is exploring, and she may leave Z after some time. Teenage is a very tricky age, what you think is love is actually infatuation. Forget about taking revenge from Z, instead concentrate on your studies and try to become a better person. Don’t worry, you will get through this gloomy phase soon. Good luck!
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