Should I say yes?
I am an 18-year-old girl from a middle-class family, studying in a well reputed college. We are five sisters and I’m the youngest one. We are Kashmiris so all of us are naturally beautiful. All my sisters got married when they were 17 or 18. Now they are in their 20s with young kids.
I recently attended a wedding where I met my brother-in-law’s first cousin, F. Last week, he sent his proposal through my sister. He is well-settled in USA and we know the family, too. F wants a simple Nikah ceremony before he leaves for USA so that he can file my papers for US visa. Rukhsati will take place next year after I finish my intermediate.
Guru, F is very good looking and he seems like a decent guy but the only hitch is that he is a divorcee. He married at a young age when he was only 22. It was a love marriage but it didn’t work out and ended in divorce only after two years. He is now 27 years old. He told my sister that his marriage was his biggest mistake and he was immature at that time. My sister is also persuading me to say yes to this proposal. According to her, he is a very nice person and will keep me happy. She says that I should not look at his past. Guru, I am very confused. I like him but how can I marry a divorcee? My friends say that divorcees are usually bad people. So if I marry a divorcee what will they say? I have no other reason to say no. I am not even career-oriented and don’t want to study further as I know my parents will marry me off soon. Please tell me what I should do. Should I say yes?
Dear Confused Gal,
I think your sister is right. You shouldn’t look at his past. Unfortunately, we live in a judgmental society. Divorce is still considered a stigma in our society, whether it’s a man or woman. Just put yourself in his shoes and then think. For, God forbid, if your marriage would turn into a divorce, would it make you a bad person or disqualify you from marrying again? Being a divorcee doesn’t mean someone has a bad character; it simply means that both partners were not happy together. F himself admitted that his first marriage was his biggest mistake. F wants to settle down again and I see no reason for turning down his proposal. Had he been a bad guy, your sister wouldn’t have recommend him. My dear, look at the positive side. He is young, handsome, well-settled and desirable. So don’t make his divorce an issue. Don’t worry about what your friends will say. You are not going to stay in Pakistan once you get married. You are going to go in a society where people are not generally nosy. I wish you a happy married life ahead. Good luck!
I don’t want to leave my friends
I am a 19-year-old boy. I have recently done my A-Levels. I am a regular reader of your column. I must say you are doing an amazing job. Guru, my father, who is a businessman, wants me to study abroad. Even though he is rich, he does not have a formal degree. That’s why he wants me to study business and get a degree.
Guru, I respect my father’s decision but I don’t want to go as I don’t want to leave my friends. I am very attached to them. There will be no fun without them. On the other hand, I don’t want to hurt my father’s feelings. What should I do?
Dear Indecisive Boy,
Well, young boy, don’t get emotional and look at the bigger picture. At your age friendships mean a lot but be sensible and try to understand what’s good for you. You are lucky that your father can afford to send you abroad. This is an excellent opportunity for you to explore the world and make your career at the same time. Don’t disappoint your father. He is a far-sighted person and knows what’s best for you. As far as your friends are concerned, you can always keep in touch with them via email, Whatsapp, etc. Once your studies are finished, you can always come back and re-connect with them. Good luck!
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