I am a regular reader of your column. I am a 20-year-old girl. I have recently graduated....
My fiancé is overly protective about me
Salam Guru,
I am a regular reader of your column. I am a 20-year-old girl. I have recently graduated. I belong to a middle-class family. I happen to be very beautiful and when I was in college there were many good proposals for me but my parents chose F as he was from our khandaan. I got engaged six months back and these days I am busy with my wedding preparations as I am going to be married in three months’ time. F is a doctor by profession and is well-settled, but there is one thing which has been bothering me lately. Actually, he is overly protective about me. He does not like me going out with my friends without his permission. Whenever I go, he wants to accompany me, and he insists that I should buy everything of his choice. But since he has a tight schedule, it’s hard for him to take time out for shopping and other stuff. Guru, there is little time left till my weddings and there is so much to do. I am so worried. How will I complete my shopping if he does not let me shop on my own? F says that he loves me a lot and would like to buy best things for me. He treats me as if I am a princess. I respect his feelings but how can I make him understand that I can do my own things, too. Please tell me what I should do.
Worried Bride
Dear Worried Bride,
I can understand your feelings. You are getting married and the engagement period is a beautiful phase of one’s life. It’s good to know that your fiancé loves you and treats you like a princess. But in doing so, he is forgetting one thing – you are not a pretty doll; you are a human, too, who has her own likes and dislikes. Here, shopping is not the real issue. These days, if you have money, you can prepare your wedding trousseau in days as everything is readily available in markets. You don’t need to be tensed about that. However, what is worrisome is his possessive nature which may create trouble for you in future. He seems like a control freak and it is not at all a healthy trait. I suggest that you sit down with him and sort this issue before tying the knot. If he is so possessive about you right now, then think what he will do once you are married to him. It’s better if you also show some assertiveness. You are an educated girl with a mind of your own. I know you have to make certain adjustments and compromises but on the other hand, he should also give you some liberty. At least you should be given the freedom to buy clothes of your choice or do little chores without him. I don’t think it is too much to ask of him. Girl, you need to put your foot down now or else be prepared to take dictations from him all through your life. Good luck!
I am such a bad cook
Dear Guru,
I am a 22-year-old girl. I am newly married. I stayed with my in-laws for four months and then my husband called me to Saudi Arabia where he works. It’s been two months since I have been living alone but, unlike most girls, I don’t like it. It’s not that I am not happy here; it’s the cooking part which is giving me trouble. The first month passed quickly as we used to go out nearly every day. We were either invited by his friends or ate out. Now, my husband has told me to start taking interest in household chores. Guru, I don’t mind cleaning but cooking is not my forte. I am such a bad cook. I never realized the importance of cooking before. My husband is very loving and caring. He is also very supportive of me. I don’t want to disappoint him. How can I polish my cooking skills?
Newlywed in Trouble
Dear Newlywed in Trouble,
So many girls, after they get married, face the same dilemma as you are facing. But there is nothing to worry about. You can easily improve your culinary skills by practicing, as they say practice makes a man perfect. So if you start cooking every day, you can become an expert cook in few months’ time. Yes, cooking is that easy. It’s not rocket science. You don’t even need to call your mom to give you the recipes. This is an era of technology and you can make good use of it. Download easy and quick recipes from YouTube. Follow them step-by-step and surprise your hubby with a new dish every day. Good luck!
