I am an 18-year-old college going girl. I am a great fan of your column. I belong to a middle class family.....
My father’s family is so unfair with my mother
Dear Guru,
I am an 18-year-old college going girl. I am a great fan of your column. I belong to a middle class family. I have one younger brother. We live in a joint family with my grandparents and my chacha’s family. My grandmother is very affectionate towards me and my brother but she is very rude with my mother. She always gives preference to her other ‘bahu’ over my mom. Actually, my chachi is from the family and my mother is an outsider. My parents had a love marriage and my father’s family hasn’t accepted my mother as a member of their family wholeheartedly. My mother has been facing discriminatory behaviour from day one. According to my grandmother, she only tolerates my mother because of us (myself and my brother). My mother does all the work. She is always busy in cooking and cleaning along with the maid. On the other hand, my aunt (chachi) hardly does any house chore but she still has an upper hand. Guru, I have been watching my mom being exploited at the hands of her in-laws since I was a child. But now I cannot accept this unjust treatment being meted out to my mother on a daily basis. My mother is tolerating all this out of love for my father. She says that she has no complaints as long as her husband is with her. I am just amazed at her thinking. My father really loves my mother but he is helpless in front of his family. Guru, I am so mentally disturbed. I don’t want to live in this tensed environment. I want my father to leave his parents’ house and to shift somewhere else where we can live in peace. But my father says that his income does not allow him to do so. I am so angry with my father. What do you suggest, Guru?
Angry Daughter
Dear Angry Daughter,
Calm down, young girl. You don’t need to get upset. Your mother seems like a sensible woman who knows how to keep her marriage intact. She is one of those who don’t mind doing extra work to keep harmony in the house. As a loving daughter, your concern for your mother is genuine but these are very sensitive issues which need to be handled very tactfully. Let your mom deal with her in-laws. If she has no grievances then you cannot do much about it. See, your grandmother is affectionate towards you as you are her granddaughter. So enjoy your relationship with her. Don’t complicate things. As far as your father is concerned, you need to understand his position. In this time of inflation it’s not easy to live independently. Your parents know that they cannot afford to have their own place and that’s why they don’t want any confrontation. I advise you to just stay away from family politics. If you feel that your mother needs help, then lend a helping hand to her. What really matters is your parents’ relationship with each other. If they are happy together then everything else becomes secondary. Good luck!
I lack sense of humour
Salam Guru,
I am a 20-year-old medical student. I belong to a middle class family. I am good in studies and overall I have a pleasant personality; however, I lack sense of humour. Whenever I try to crack a joke, I fail miserably and instead of the joke my friends laugh at my simplicity. I have read that if you want to be popular among people then you have to have a great sense of humour and sadly I lack it. My best friend H is very witty and he has so many friends and every girl seems to enjoy his company. Guru, I want to be like my friend H but don’t know what to do. Is there any trick to improve one’s sense of humour? Please guide me.
Mr. Cool
Dear Mr. Cool,
First you need to understand that one cannot possess all the qualities in one’s personality. Being witty is natural and you just cannot acquire witticism. Sense of humour is God-gifted; either you have it or you don’t have it, so if you think you don’t have a good sense of humour then accept it with an open heart. Don’t try too hard to amuse others as this is simply not your cup of tea. If you want to be popular among your friends then concentrate on the areas you are good at. May be your general knowledge is better than most of your colleagues or may be you have a better taste in music and films. You can talk on different subjects. People also like serious minded guys. Just be yourself and be comfortable with who you are. At the end of the day if you are a nice guy then people are bound to like you whether you are funny or not. Good luck!
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