I am 19 years old. My problem is that whenever I make plans for something....
I am living a purposeless life
Salam Guru
I am 19 years old. My problem is that whenever I make plans for something, I fail to implement them. I used to set goals daily but till today, from completing my studies in set hours to losing weight in a definite period, I have never accomplished a single target. So I have stopped planning. I am just moving forward with no aim in life. I perceive myself as a failure now. My past experiences have taught me that I am a loser. Guru, I am very disheartened. I am living a purposeless life. I am just sick and tired. It’s not that I don’t want to do anything but I don’t know how to go about it. Tell me, what should I do?
Miserable Me
Dear Miserable Me,
At your age, people make big plans and usually young boys and girls dream big. It’s very normal for young people to want to conquer the world and fly high. But, in reality, you seldom achieve your dreams. I think one of the reasons for not getting the desired results is that you must have set ‘unachievable targets’. My dear, you should focus on targets that you can achieve easily. For instance, if you say you will study 10 hours a day then it’s not humanly possible and you may get tired after five hours. So, instead of setting a10-hour goal, try studying for four to five hours. Similarly, if you want to lose weight, don’t set a deadline. Just go with the flow. You can’t lose weight in weeks’ time; it takes at least six to eight months to get back into shape. My dear, you don’t need to lose heart. You are young and you have to do a lot in your life. Thank God for His blessings. Take a break from your routine life and go on holidays for few days. The change of environment will do wonders for your mental health and I am sure you will feel fresh and energetic. And don’t set unrealistic targets; you will feel miserable if you can’t achieve them. So just don’t take stress and live life on a daily basis. Feel free to do whatever you like. Be impulsive and enjoy life. Good luck!
Confidential
Dear 18-year-old Girl from Islamabad,
You are too young to get into a serious commitment. X seems like a control freak. His unreasonable behaviour also suggests that he is not a stable guy. It’s better if you leave him now instead of prolonging this taxing relationship. Don’t worry about his threats; he is not going to commit suicide. This is his tactic to keep you under pressure. If you want to have a break-up with him, go ahead without feeling guilty. You are under no obligation to continue with this unhappy relationship. Don’t be scared of him. Talk to him once and for all and tell him politely that you see this relationship going nowhere as you want to settle abroad and he wants to live in Pakistan. Be polite but firm with him. However, try not to end this relationship a bitter note. Good luck!
My friend is so possessive about me
Dear Guru,
I am a 14-year-old girl and I study in grade nine in a girls’ school. I read your column with great interest, and really like your unique way of tackling problems. Guru, my problem is related to a friend of mine. She is very nice and sincere with me. But she doesn’t let me sit with anyone else and is very possessive. She always holds my hand in class and during recess. I am sick of her following me around everywhere, but at the same time she is very nice and sweet. I don’t know how to tell her that her behaviour is disturbing and annoying. I don’t want to hurt her feelings as she considers me her ‘best friend’and she has always been there for me. Please tell me what to do.
Confused Friend
Dear Confused Friend,
Your friend’s behaviour towards you is a little strange as normally friends don’t impose themselves. If she is being ‘nice’ with you on the one hand then she is also being ‘pushy’ on the other hand. You do need friends but you also need your space. If her behaviour disturbs you then you should speak your mind. Don’t feel bad about telling her the truth. Don’t be rude with her, but tell her very politely that you want your own ‘space’ and there are other people in your life, too. If you don’t feel comfortable with her then there is no point being with her all the time. Try to distance yourself from her slowly so that it would not hurt her feelings. Good luck!
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