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COMIC RELIEF

By Usama Rasheed
Fri, 04, 18

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?


Incomprehensible


  • Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
  • Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough money?
  • Why does the Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
  • If man evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
  • Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialised?
  • Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, and put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
  • When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologises for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, “That really hurts!”
  • Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table, you always manage to knock something else over?
  • How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

Life before computer


  • An application was for employment.
  • A program was a TV show.
  • A keyboard was a piano.
  • Memory was something that you lost with age.
  • A CD was a bank account.
  • And if you had a broken disk, it would hurt when you found out.
  • Compress was something you did to garbage, and not something you did to a file.
  • Log on was adding wood to a fire.
  • Hard drive was a long trip on the road.
  • A mouse pad was where a mouse lived.
  • Cut - you did with a pocket knife.
  • Paste - you did with glue.
  • A web was a spider’s home.
  • A virus was the flu.

Compiled by Usama Rasheed