I am an 18-year-old girl. I belong to an educated middle class family. I live with my parents, two younger brothers and my phupo (aunt).
My aunt is having an affair
Salaam Guru,
I am an 18-year-old girl. I belong to an educated middle class family. I live with my parents, two younger brothers and my phupo (aunt). My aunt was very young when my grandparents passed away and since then she has been living with us. She teaches in a school.
My father wants her to get married as early as possible. My mother is very fond of my aunt as she is very loving and friendly; she also helps her with home chores. Now, the problem is that I have recently come to know about my aunt’s clandestine affair. The guy is my friend’s mamu (uncle).
Guru, our family is quite conservative and love marriages are still considered a taboo. One of the reasons my aunt is still single is that there were no decent proposals for her. My father is very strict; if he learns about my aunt’s affair, he will get annoyed.
I did not expect this thing from my aunt. Should I stay quiet or should I tell my father about my aunt’s affair? This is a matter of family’s prestige. I am very upset. Guru, please tell me what I should do.
Nice Niece
Dear Nice Niece,
You should not get upset. I can understand your situation. You must have been shocked when you learned about your aunt’s affair as you were not expecting that from her; I totally understand that. But, dear, you are only looking at your aunt from your father’s perspective. You are only concerned about your family’s prestige but you are not thinking about your aunt’s life.
Put yourself in her shoes, and then think. How would you feel if you were in her place? Like all girls, she also wants to settle down. Like you said, there aren’t any decent proposals for her in the family. So, if she wants to marry someone who is also willing to marry her, then I don’t see any harm in it.
She has all the rights to take her decision of marriage as she is a mature woman. Don’t spoil your aunt’s life by telling your father about her affair. Your father will get mad and you will get nothing out of it. You will only end up upsetting your aunt. Be a little open-minded. I advise you not to get involved in this affair. Let your aunt deal with her brother directly when the right time comes.
And one more thing, don’t worry about relatives. They will talk in any case. So, just think about your aunt’s better future and stop worrying about your relatives. Good luck!
Should I trust him?
Dear Guru,
I am a 16-year-old girl. My problem is that there is a guy in my school who likes me a lot. First he wrote a letter to me which I completely ignored. Guru, it’s been three months and he is still waiting for my answer. He wants to become my special friend. It’s not that I don’t like him. I like him a lot but I cannot trust him.
Actually, I am afraid of trusting guys. Last year, my friend was ditched by her boyfriend. Initially, all was very well and he was very good with her, but then he broke up with her saying that he was just passing time. Now, this boy seems very much interested in me and he seems like a decent guy, but I don’t know if I should trust him or not. What if he also turns out to be a flirt? Should I give him one chance, or break his heart? I am so confused.
Confused Gemini
Dear Confused Gemini,
You seem like a sensible girl who does not want to indulge in a relationship at this point. I think you are doing the right thing. You are only 16 and this is a very dangerous age. I don’t want you to get hurt. This is not the age to get involved romantically. You need to concentrate on your studies. However, there is no harm in being friendly, as he is your school mate.
Be very careful. If you have control over your emotions then you can have control over your life, too.
Good luck!
Kindly send your problems at: trustusproblems@yahoo.com
