According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheese, sausage and thick crust
Google’s pizza
“Hello! Gordon’s pizza?”
“No sir, it’s Google’s pizza.”
“So it’s a wrong number? Sorry!”
“No sir, Google bought it.”
“Okay. Take my order, please!”
“Well sir, you want the usual?”
“The usual? You know me?”
“According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheese, sausage and thick crust.”
“Okay! This is it...”
“May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato?”
“What? I hate vegetables.”
“Your cholesterol is not good, sir!”
“How do you know?”
“We crossed the number of your fixed line with your name through the subscribers’ guide. We have the result of your blood tests of the last 7 years.”
“Okay, but I do not want this pizza. I already take medicine.”
“Excuse me, but you do not take your medicine regularly. From our commercial database, four months ago you only purchased a box with 30 cholesterol tablets at Drugsale Network.”
“I bought more from another drugstore.”
“It’s not showing on your credit card statement.”
“I paid in cash.”
“But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement.”
“I have other source of cash.”
“It is not showing as per your last Tax form unless you bought them from undeclared income source.”
“What the hell?”
“I’m sorry sir, we use such information only with the intention of helping you.”
“Enough! I’m sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp. I’m going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone line and no one to watch me or spy on me.”
“I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first as it has expired 5 weeks ago.”
The Commandments of Marriage
1) Marriages are made in heaven, but so do thunder and lightning.
2) If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
3) Marriage is grand - and divorce is at least 100 grand!
4) Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.
5) When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.
6) Marriage is when a man and woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
7) Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
