What to do if you fall into a conversation about terrorist attacks with someone who doesn’t believe in retaliation:
Useful advice
What to do if you fall into a conversation about terrorist attacks with someone who doesn’t believe in retaliation:
1. Engage in conversation and ask if military force is appropriate.
2. When he says, “No,” ask, “Why not?”
3. Wait until he says something to the effect of “Because that would just cause more innocent deaths, which would be awful and we should not cause more violence.”
4. When he’s in mid sentence, punch him in the face as hard as you can.
5. When he gets back up to punch you, point out that it would be a mistake and contrary to his values to strike you, because that would be awful and he should not cause more violence.
6. Wait until he agrees and has pledged not to commit additional violence.
7. Punch him in the face again, harder this time.
8. Repeat steps 5 through 8 until he understands that sometimes it is necessary to punch back.
The genie freaks out
An accountant is walking along the beach and finds an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it, and of course, a genie appears.
The genie says, “I am the most powerful genie that has ever lived. I can do great and wonderful things and I can grant you your dearest wish. But only one.”
Well, this accountant is a deeply caring individual.
He pulls out a map of the Mediterranean area and says, “My dearest wish is that you solve the Arab-Israeli conflict in the Middle East.”
The genie strokes his beard and looks worried.
“Oh dear, “ he says , staring at the map. “That’s a tough one. Those people have been fighting for eons. No one has been able to come up with a successful solution. I’m not sure if I could do any better. You should probably make another wish.”
The accountant agrees and says, “All right! Listen, the IRS has asked me to re-design their 1040 form so that everyone can understand it. Can you help me with that?”
There’s a long silence and finally the genie says, “Let’s have another look at that map!”
Trouble awaiting
American President and his generals in the Pentagon discussed, and they could not agree on what is the best time for an assault on Russia.
Finally, they decide to ask the French: “When is it best to invade Russia?”
The French answered: “We do not know, but certainly not in the winter. It would go wrong for sure. Therefore, it would probably be better to ask the Germans.”
The Germans answer: “We do not know, but it certainly would not be in the summer. We have tried, already.”
Someone proposed to ask China that is progressive and always comes up with a new idea. So they asked the Chinese.
The Chinese replied: “Right now! Russia has begun to build “The Strength of Siberia” pipeline, “Turkish stream”, The Spaceport “Vostochny”, “The Bridge to the Crimea”, and in the near future they will modernize the BAM, they are building new sports complexes for the football World Cup and athletics, and they are planning oil extraction in the Arctic. Right now they do need a lot of workforce.”
