I am 22 years old. I am a graduate and I work in an insurance company as a Junior Executive in Hyderabad. I am good at my job and hopefully soon I will be promoted.
I don’t want to be a scapegoat
Dear Guru,
I am 22 years old. I am a graduate and I work in an insurance company as a Junior Executive in Hyderabad. I am good at my job and hopefully soon I will be promoted. I belong to a middle-class, conservative family. I am engaged to my cousin, S, who is 18 years old. We both love each other and we have great chemistry. I am also doing insurance courses so that I can give a secure future to S. But there is one big problem. There is tradition of ‘watta-satta’ in our family. My fiancée’s elder brother K is engaged to my younger sister, L. My sister is 16 whereas K is 26 years old. So there is a gap of at least 10 years. Even if we ignore the age difference, there is no match. K is a male chauvinist and he does not have a good reputation. He is just Intermediate pass and sits at his father’s grocery shop. He does not take interest in his work and all day he just loiters around on streets with his friends, who are scoundrels like him. K’s parents are pressurizing my parents to marry L off as soon as possible. They want that L and K and S and I should get married by March next year. My parents are reviewing their decision. They see no security of their daughter with K. I also understand their genuine concern but the biggest problem is of watta-satta. If we say no to their son, they will also revoke my engagement. Guru, I don’t want to lose S at any cost. I don’t want to sacrifice my love but on the other hand I am not selfish; I don’t want to destroy my sister’s life. I hate this unjust system which prevails in our society. I am so frustrated. I don’t want to be a scapegoat. S has suggested me to elope. She says she cannot live without me. I am so confused. I don’t know what to do?
Frustrated Lover
Dear Frustrated Lover,
Calm down, there is no point getting frustrated over something which is beyond your control. You cannot challenge the old systems and traditions which people have been following since generations. However, you can take a stand against this ugly practice by raising your voice. The saddest part of this evil social system is that if one couple is not happy, then the other couple comes under pressure, which normally results in separations and divorces. It’s good that you all are engaged otherwise the situation would have been much more complicated. I would not suggest elopement. It will be just a temporary escape and it may bring dire consequences. I suggest that you talk to the elders firmly about not breaking your engagement with S. I know you will have to face tough resistance from both sides, but you need to face the situation with patience. Be persistent. Try to persuade them with reason and logic. Tell S to also talk to her parents. My point is, don’t give up without fighting for your right. However, despite your efforts if your elders don’t come round, then you have the option of court marriage since both of you are adults. But a word of advice: take this big step after considering all the pros and cons; it can be very dangerous for both of you. Good luck!
The world of glamour attracts me
Salam Guru,
I am a 17-year-old girl. I am a great fan of your column. I have been reading Us since I was 12. I am studying in college and I am a student of first year (Arts). Guru, I am not good at studies and I don’t want to study further. Actually, I want to become a beautician. It is my dream to do make up of celebrities. I am naturally good at doing makeup. Whenever my friends have to go out in evenings, they come to me for their makeup. But the problem is that my father is very strict. He does not like all this and he wants me to concentrate only on studies. Guru, how can I persuade my father to let me do what I want to do?
Cosmetic Girl
Dear Cosmetic Girl,
I respect your feelings and it seems like makeup is your passion. And, as I have said before, one should pursue what one is good at. But hold your horses; you are too young to take any hasty decision. Your father is right. You should finish your studies first. Come up with better results and then try to convince your father. You don’t understand the value of education in this era. Even to become a qualified beautician you need to do grooming courses and being educated will give you an edge over not-so-educated beauticians. So keep brushing up your skills at home, but don’t neglect your studies. Good luck!
