Morris, the loud-mouthed mechanic, was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes.
The loud-mouthed mechanic is stunned
Morris, the loud-mouthed mechanic, was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes. Morris shouted across the garage, ‘Hey, DeBakey! Is that you? Come on ova’ here a minute.’
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris the mechanic was working on the car. Morris straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, ‘So Mr Fancy Doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind ‘em and put in new parts. So how come you get the big bucks when you and me are basically doing the same work?’
Dr DeBakey leaned over and whispered to him, ‘Try doing it with the engine running.’
The bravest of men
General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKenzie asks: ‘So how are your men?’ ‘Very well-trained, Gen McKenzie!’
‘I hope so. My men over at the Navy are so well-trained that they’re the bravest of men in the whole country.’ ‘Well, my men are very brave, too.’ ‘I’d like to see that.’
So Marshall calls Private Cooper and says: ‘Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!’ ‘Are you crazy? It’d kill me, you idiot! I’m out of here!’
As Private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said: ‘You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general.’
The Jaggers
A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer. ‘Hi,’ he croaks. ‘What’s your name?’
‘My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?’ the loan officer asks. ‘Yeah,’ says the frog. ‘I’d like to borrow some money.’
The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. ‘Okay, what’s your name?’ The frog replies, ‘Kermit Jagger.’ ‘Really?’ asks the loan officer. ‘Any relation to Mick Jagger?’
‘Yeah, he’s my dad.’ ‘Hmm,’ says the loan officer. ‘Do you have any collateral?’
The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ‘Will this do?’ The loan officer says, ‘Um, I’m not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.’ ‘Oh, tell him I said hi,’ adds the frog. ‘He knows me.’
The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, ‘Excuse me, sir, but there’s a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I’m not even sure what it is.’
The manager says: ‘It’s a knick-knack, Paddywack. Give the frog a loan; his old man’s a Rolling Stone.’
