I am a 21-year-old girl. I have recently done my graduation and these days I am teaching in a school. I am teaching just as a hobby as I am engaged and will be getting married in couple of months.
Should I break my engagement?
Dear Guru,
I am a 21-year-old girl. I have recently done my graduation and these days I am teaching in a school. I am teaching just as a hobby as I am engaged and will be getting married in couple of months. My problem is that there is a male teacher in our school who is interested in me. He teaches English and history to higher classes and happens to be very good looking and intelligent. Initially, I only liked him but of late I have developed feelings for him. A few days ago, he disclosed to me that he would like to marry me. I told him that I am engaged but he is asking me to break my engagement. He says that he truly loves me and cannot live without me. Guru, I am in a fix. My fiancé is a decent guy and he earns well. Our engagement was arranged by our parents. I don’t love my fiancé, but I don’t dislike him either. I don’t have any solid reason to reject him now after two long years of engagement. On one side there is family respect and pride and on the other there is love waiting for me. I am so confused! Should I break my engagement or should I break my lover’s heart? What is your advice?
Princess
Dear Princess,
You are only getting emotional. I don’t think you should break this engagement. Your fiancé is well settled and he is selected by your parents who know what’s best for you. You said yes to this proposal as you found nothing wrong in the guy or his family. Now, you have discovered love and you are thinking about ruining your peaceful life. My dear, this is not a romantic film; this is real life. Your lover may be sincere with you but what about his family and his background? You hardly know him and you cannot trust him. I think you should control your feelings. It’s just temporary. You just like the idea of getting the attention of a handsome man and nothing else. I advise you to resign from your job. Leave the school; this will help you in forgetting him easily. In any case this job is not your career as you are getting married in few months’ time. Don’t complicate your life. Think about your family’s honour and pride. I am sure after marriage your fiancé will prove to be a loving husband too. Good luck!
I don’t like my brother-in-law
Salam Guru,
I am a 16-year-old girl, studying in first year in one of the prestigious colleges of Lahore. I have two older siblings. Since I am the youngest in the house, I am the darling of the family. A year ago, my older sister, who is 22 years old, got married to the son of an influential businessman. My sister is very happy. She lives in Karachi with her in-laws. I am also happy for my sister but I don’t like my brother-in-law. He is around 26 years old and he is very handsome but somehow I don’t like his lifestyle. He drinks, he goes to parties and he has female friends, too. My sister has happily adopted his lifestyle and has become very modern. Guru, we are not conservative people, but we are not that liberal. My brother-in-law tries to be friendly with me but I try to maintain distance with him.
This summer my brother-in-law is taking my sister to on a trip to Europe and he is insisting that I should accompany them. My parents and my sister are very happy that he is so nice and caring and they all are pushing me to go and explore Europe. I can easily go as my college is also closed because of summer holidays. But, Guru, I am just not comfortable going to Europe with my rich but ‘over-courteous’ brother-in-law. What should I do? Tell me how to say no to this offer.
IT Girl
Dear IT Girl,
You are a sensible girl and I respect your feelings you, but dear give your brother-in-law some benefit of the doubt. May be he is not as bad as you think. He is friendly with you as you are his only ‘sali’. And in our culture this is considered a very beautiful relationship. Has your brother-in-law ever tried to be physical with you, or has he ever misbehaved with you? If not, it means that you have the wrong idea about him. Don’t judge him by his lifestyle. Be a little open-minded. Your sister is happily married and if she has no problem with him, why are you irritated and perturbed? Just relax. If you are not comfortable going to Europe with your brother-in-law then plainly say no. I am sure nobody will force you to do anything against your will.
Good luck.
