My parents want me to focus on my studies and forget about K, but how can I do that so easily? My heart longs for her. Should I speak to K myself?
My friend is heartbroken
Salam Guru,
I am a 26-year-old working woman. My problem concerns my best friend, Y, who was recently jilted by her fiancé after a four-year engagement. Her fiancé, B, went to Australia to study, and it was Y’s family who supported him financially. B has now decided to marry an Australian girl to obtain citizenship. He didn’t even have the courtesy to speak to Y directly. Instead, he wrote to her father, breaking off the engagement and promising to return the money spent on his education.
For girls, four years is a very long time to be out of the marriage scene. Y knows it will now be difficult for her to receive decent proposals, as it’s usually the girl who is blamed when a relationship ends. She is heartbroken, as she still loves B. She used to be lively and full of energy, but she has become very quiet and serious. It has been six months since B betrayed her, yet she remains depressed. She misses him and is constantly in a gloomy mood.
I am very worried about my friend. She used to be fun-loving and full of life, but now it seems she has forgotten how to smile. I don’t know how to bring her smile back. Her parents are also concerned and want her to move on. What can we do to help her recover?
Worried for Friend
Dear Worried for Friend,
It is deeply upsetting to see a close friend go through such heartbreak, especially after investing so much time, emotion and trust in someone. Your friend Y has endured not only emotional betrayal but is also facing social consequences that unfairly fall on women in such situations. The fact that B chose to end the engagement so callously - through a letter to her father rather than speaking to Y himself - adds to the pain and humiliation. His decision to marry someone else for personal gain, after accepting her family’s financial support, reflects a serious lack of integrity. Y's sorrow is understandable. Four years is indeed a long period, and she likely built her future dreams around him. Now, those dreams have collapsed, leaving her feeling abandoned and ashamed, despite not being at fault.
It’s important to recognise that heartbreak takes time to heal. Six months may feel like a long time, but given the depth of her attachment, her grief is not unusual. Still, it’s a concern that she has become withdrawn and has not been able to resume her normal self. Her loved ones like you and her parents have a crucial role to play. Continue to offer her support without pushing her to “move on” too quickly. Instead, encourage her to express her feelings. Let her talk when she wants to, cry if she needs to, and know she isn’t alone. Suggest counseling to her parents to help her process her emotions and rebuild her self-worth.
It might also help to involve her in small, positive activities - perhaps a short trip, joining a class, or volunteering - something that gives her a sense of purpose beyond the past relationship. Reassure her that her value is not tied to B or to societal timelines. Decent proposals can still come, but most importantly, she deserves to heal and be happy in her own time. Keep being the supportive friend you are; I am sure your support is already a great comfort in her healing journey.
Good luck
I love my teacher
Hello Guru,
I am a 20-year-old BBA student. I have fallen in love with a teacher, K, who is very beautiful and funny. She is friendly with me, but she is unaware of my feelings for her. I’ve heard that she is going abroad for further studies soon, and I’m afraid of losing her. She is a bit older than me, which is why my mother refused to take my proposal to her family. My parents want me to focus on my studies and forget about K, but how can I do that so easily? My heart longs for her. Should I speak to K myself?
Guy in Love
Dear Guy in Love,
It’s natural to be drawn to someone charming and kind, especially at this stage of life. However, it’s important to think realistically. K is your teacher, older than you, and likely focused on her own career plans. Approaching her with a proposal may put her in an awkward position and could damage the respectful bond you currently share. Instead of acting on your emotions, try to focus on your studies and personal growth. Time will help ease these feelings, and with maturity, you’ll gain perspective. Let this be a lesson in emotional strength rather than a source of regret.
Good luck
Kindly send your problems at: us.mag@thenews.com.pk
