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By US Desk
17 January, 2025

I feel stuck and unsupported, but I am determined not to give up on my education. Any advice or suggestions would mean a lot. Guru, please help me...

TRUST US

I want to become a software engineer

Dear Guru,

I am a 19-year-old college-going girl from a conservative family. My father was an enlightened and supportive man who believed in the power of education. He encouraged me and my brothers to pursue our studies, and because of his progressive mindset, I became the only girl in my family allowed to attend college.

Tragically, my father passed away two months ago, leaving a void in our lives. Since then, I have faced immense pressure from my mother to discontinue my education. She believes that my safety and our family’s reputation are now at risk. Before his death, my father personally dropped me off at college, and my brother would pick me up. However, after my father passed away, my brother arranged for a college van, explaining that he couldn’t manage the responsibility of pick-and-drop anymore.

A few days ago, the van I was traveling in was stopped by robbers. They forced all the girls to hand over their cell phones and valuables. This incident shook my mother, and she has since grounded me. She now insists that I stop attending college entirely, citing safety concerns. Despite my repeated efforts, she refuses to even discuss the matter. To make things harder, my brother, who used to support me, is now silent and unwilling to speak up on my behalf.

I am passionate about becoming a software engineer and have consistently performed well in my studies. Education is not just a personal dream; it is my way of honoring my father’s belief in me and ensuring a brighter future for myself and my family.

How can I persuade my mother to let me continue my studies? I understand her concerns, but I believe there are ways to address safety issues without sacrificing my education. Should I involve a trusted relative, family friend, or even a college counselor to mediate the discussion? Is there a way to show her that my dream is worth fighting for and that my safety can still be ensured?

I feel stuck and unsupported, but I am determined not to give up on my education. Any advice or suggestions would mean a lot. Guru, please help me.

Frustrated Girl

Dear Frustrated Girl,

Your situation is both challenging and delicate, and you need a thoughtful approach to address your mother’s concerns while advocating for your education. Losing your father has undoubtedly been a life-altering event for your family, and it’s clear that your mother’s decision stems from a deep sense of fear and protectiveness. However, you deserve the opportunity to achieve your goal of becoming a software engineer, so finding a way to continue your education is crucial for your future.

First, it is important to acknowledge your mother’s concerns and the difficult circumstances she is facing as a single parent in a conservative setting. Expressing empathy and understanding for her fears can help her feel heard and less defensive. Let her know that you understand her worries about safety and reputation, and that you are willing to take steps to address these concerns.

Next, consider involving a trusted family elder who understands the value of education and has influence over your mother. If you have maternal uncles or aunts, try to get them to speak for you and help your mother see that your education is an investment in the family’s future, just as your father believed. A well-respected figure vouching for you may reassure her that continuing your studies is necessary.

In addition, propose practical solutions to address the safety concerns raised by the van incident. For instance, you could suggest using a more secure mode of transport, such as a carpool with trusted classmates or family friends. You could also explore the possibility of studying from home if your college offers online classes or consider transferring to an institution closer to home. These measures might help ease her fears while allowing you to pursue your dreams.

Finally, appeal to your mother’s emotions by reminding her of your father’s encouragement and belief in your potential. Emphasize that continuing your studies is a way to honor his memory. Share your passion for becoming a software engineer and demonstrate how committed you are to achieving your goals.

While this process may require patience and persistence, showing your mother that you are both responsible and determined can gradually shift her perspective. With the right support and careful communication, you can persuade your mother to allow you to continue your education.

Good luck!

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