Tony P. (@Tbone7219): I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t talk to their pets in a weird silly voice....
twitter XwIt
* Tony P. (@Tbone7219): I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t talk to their pets in a weird silly voice.
* Rick Aaron (@RickAaron): Once in Las Vegas I lost half of my life’s savings in just 30 minutes and it still hurts. To this day I won’t drive anywhere near that wedding chapel.
* Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats): Amazing how fast my addiction to my phone is cured the moment I get a phone call.
* Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat): Waiter: Do you have room for dessert?
Me: *thinking of my large room used for formal events filled with chocolate* I prefer to call it a chamber, but yes.
* Edward Luce (@EdwardGLuce): Perhaps three Americans will be aware of the fact that USA just beat Pakistan in cricket – biggest upset in the game in quite a while.
Advice
A schoolteacher sent home a note with a student. The note read: “Your son is an obedient and bright student, but spends too much time talking to girls.”
The mother sent a note back the following day. It read: “Please advise a solution. Father has the same problem.”
Complicated
Upon examining a patient, a doctor was perplexed. “Your case is quite complicated,” he said.
“Why doctor? What happened?” the patient asked.
“You got a disease from the chapter which I left as optional during my studies,” the doctor replied.
Punctuality
A company owner was asked, “How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?”
He smiled and replied, “It’s simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking.”
“Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?” – John Barrymore
