I told my parents that I don’t want to get married, but they are adamant that I should. The boy’s family is coming next month to our house....
I don’t want to get married
Dear Guru,
I am a regular reader of your column. I am a 28-year-old educated girl. I belong to a middle class family and work in a private organization to support my family. My parents want to marry me off as they think I won’t get a decent proposal if they wait any longer. They have accepted a proposal for me from a family that is almost like ours financially. The guy is educated and has a promising career but has three unmarried sisters.
I think a working wife will ease the financial burden for him, but I am worried about my family because once I am married my father will not accept any money from me.
I don’t know whether my husband will have issues or not if I continue to support my family after my marriage. My brother is in the final semester of MBA, and still needs time to help out our father.
I told my parents that I don’t want to get married, but they are adamant that I should. The boy’s family is coming next month to our house to set the date. They want the wedding within six months. I am mentally disturbed and under a lot of stress. What should I do?
Worried Daughter
Dear Worried Daughter,
You are a very caring daughter, and your concerns about your family do you credit. However, your parents are right because good proposals are hard to come by, and you should not think about rejecting this proposal because of financial problems.
Every problem has a solution, so instead of being stressed, see how you can help your family and get married at the same time. Your money, according to Islam, is yours only even after you are married, so what you do with it is your business only and your husband should, ideally, have no issues with what you do with your income.
Also, in six months’ time, your brother will have completed his MBA, and you can continue to help your family till your brother gets a job. Try to encourage your brother to take up a part-time job in the meantime, as many young people nowadays do that to pay for their tuition fees and support their families.
I strongly feel girls should not let their husbands control their income. What they earn is a fruit of their own hard work, and they should have control over their money. Stand up for your right to spend your money as you want to. You can help your husband if he needs it, but it should be because you want to do it. I hope things work out for you. Good luck!
I want to be friends with my professor
Dear Guru,
I am a 22-year-old university student. I got engaged to my cousin, R, a year ago. When my proposal came, my parents gave me the right to accept or reject the proposal. Since I have always liked R, I accepted the proposal. He is doing house job and our parents want the wedding to be held once he completes it.
The problem is that I think I have fallen in love with my professor. He is very good looking, has a great personality and is highly educated. I really respect him because he is a very good teacher, but at the same time I have developed feelings for him. He is 38 years old and is still single.
I want to break my engagement and get married to him, but don’t know if he is interested in me or not. What do you think I should do to find out? I really like him and want to marry him. Girl in Love
Dear Girl in Love,
It is very natural to admire one’s teachers, especially those who are good looking and accomplished. Don’t confuse this admiration with love. Your professor has an impressive personality but he is a lot older than you and with age one gains experience and becomes accomplished.
R is young and in time he will also develop his personality, so don’t be hasty and do anything you might regret later. You have simply become infatuated by your professor as you are impressed with his personality. You don’t know him as a person and don’t even know he is interested in you or not and you are thinking about breaking your engagement. Is it prudent? Your professor is a lot older than you, and your fiancé is just the right age for you. The disparity in age can be a problem as far as mental compatibility is concerned. You can continue to admire and like him, but as your teacher. Good luck!
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