I am an 18-year-old girl studying in second year (Pre-Medical). I belong to a very conservative family. In our family, parents don’t give importance to education and they usually marry off their daughters as soon as they find a suitable rishta.
I am a victim
Salaam Guru,
I am an 18-year-old girl studying in second year (Pre-Medical). I belong to a very conservative family. In our family, parents don’t give importance to education and they usually marry off their daughters as soon as they find a suitable rishta. They think girls as ‘burden’ and try their best to get rid of them as soon as they can. Guru, I am very much interested in getting higher education. I want to become a doctor, but sadly there is no female doctor in our entire khandan. All my older cousins got married at an early age, some after matriculation, some after Intermediate and a few after Bachelors. I have been a very good student throughout and I was able to get admission in Pre-Medical purely on merit basis. Now my exams are near and I am studying really hard to get admission in medical college. But, the problem is that I have got a really nice rishta and my parents are pressurising me to say “yes” to this proposal. According to them, it’s my right age to get married. They don’t consider my feelings. Guru, I am really in a fix. On one hand, there is my goal and career and, on the other hand, I have my parents who are adamant to get me married. If I say yes, then I will have to say goodbye to my passion and if I say no, then my parents will get upset. I feel as if I am the victim of this rotten system. What should I do?
Poor Me
Dear Poor Me,
I can very well imagine your predicament. Since your family is too conservative and it is difficult for you to break this chain, it is better to find a practical solution. Even if you somehow succeed in stopping your parents from this proposal, after some time another rishta may pop up and again you may have to go through the same ordeal. You need at least five years to complete your medicine. Do you really think that you will be able to ‘resist’ for another five to six years, keeping your family’s tradition in mind? I don’t think so. So, under such circumstances the best you can do is to have a dialogue with your parents and tell them that you will get married only on one condition that your future husband should allow you to study further and would not stop you from pursuing your career. Stay calm and cool but be firm and strong. In that way, you will be spared from your parents’ anger as well as you can study in peace till the time they find a suitable match for you. Good luck!
She has a past
Dear Guru,
I am a 24-year-old guy. I work in a multi-national company. I joined this company last year after completing my MBA. As I was a brilliant student, I was offered a job while I was studying so I count myself lucky. Now that I am settled down, my parents are looking for a decent girl for me. What they don’t know is that I have already selected a very pretty girl as my life partner and I am soon going to disclose this to my parents. She is love of my life and we have been meeting each other for the past two years. She is 22 and is a graduate. But Guru, there is a hitch. Before meeting me, she was romantically involved with someone else. That guy ditched her and went to USA for good. She told me about her past affair herself. I know she is sincere with me but somehow when I think of marrying her, her past comes in my mind. I don’t suspect her but I am kind of reluctant about marrying her. All my male friends suggest me to only marry a girl who is ‘pure’. Let me tell you, I used to be a flirt but not anymore. I want to marry her but her past is bothering me. What should I do?
Crazy Lover
Dear Crazy Lover,
You love her, you are settled, and she is sincere with you, then what is stopping you from marrying her? Her past. Here you go young man - guys can flirt, they can have affairs but if a girl has a past they start having ideas. If you want to live a happy and peaceful life, then you have to ignore her past. Past is past. It’s over now. You were a flirt yourself. So you are expected to be a broad-minded fellow. Don’t keep that poor girl in dark; frankly tell her what’s actually on your mind. There is no point having double standards. If you want to marry her then accept her with an open mind and heart or else forget about it. Good luck!
