Letters

Dear Professor,

I am a 29-year-old professional, from a very well-off family. Since my university days, I have been in love with my class fellow, V. V is a complete package: beautiful inside out, compassionate and caring. Her only flaw, in my mother’s opinion, is that she is from a middle-class family. I have been trying to convince my mother for five years, but in vain. My father and sisters have no issues with V, but they have also not been able to change my mother’s mind. V’s parents have been very patient, but now they want their daughter to get married. V and I are both of the same age and her parents think a further delay in her marriage could create problems later on. They have asked me to either convince my mother or break up with V.

My father says that I can get married to V even if my mother does not come round. My mother says if we go ahead with this plan, she will never talk to me. I am caught between a rock and a hard place; if I leave V, I will never be happy again, and if I marry her against my mother’s wishes she will not talk to me. V has waited patiently for my mother to accept her, but it is clear my mother will not do so.

My love is not a passing fancy, Professor. Eight years that we have been in love have made our bond very strong. But I don’t want to hurt my mother. My marriage will make her unhappy, and it will be difficult to live like that as well. I want to marry V with everyone happy with this match. What should I do?

Anguished Son

Dear Anguished Son,

It is very commendable that you don’t want to get married without your mother’s blessings, and don’t want to make her unhappy. You and V have waited patiently all this while, hoping she will change her mind, but according to what you have said, it’s not happening. V’s parents are not wrong either; they want to see their daughter married and have given you plenty of time to persuade your mother. Luckily, your father and sisters are with you in this regard, and V’s parents are also on board. If you break up with V because of your mother, you will be unhappy yourself and will hurt V, and her family. On the other hand, if you go ahead and marry V, only your mother will be unhappy. It’s a tough situation to be in, as the importance of your mother cannot be understated. However, she is not right in this instance and her snobbishness will break your heart and V’s. It will be even more difficult for V to start a new life with someone else, knowing that you also love her. Just because of your mother’s egotistical attitude, you and V will both suffer. And, if you do what you mother wants, will you be able to make your wife happy? Or will V be able to be happy with someone else? How many people will suffer if you and V break up? Practically speaking, it’s not sensible to make so many people unhappy because of the whim of one woman. I say go ahead and get married to V. You will both have to do your best after the wedding to humour your mother. She is totally wrong, but she is your mother and her importance in your life is undeniable. She will not stay angry with you forever, as her wrath will be directed towards V. Women tend to blame their daughters-in-law for everything and V will have a tough time trying to get along with her, but with patience and tact, she will manage to do it. I am sure sooner or later your mother will accept her. Good luck!

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