You

Letters

You
By you desk
Tue, 12, 19

My parents are worried about my marriage and I’m not getting any suitable proposals.....

Dear Nadine!

I am a 24-year-old girl and I am still single. I have done MA in Economics, and I teach in a girls’ college. We live in a big house with not enough rooms, with my two married elder brothers. My parents are worried about my marriage and I’m not getting any suitable proposals. Most boys in my community are not educated and as girls can’t marry outside the community. A cousin who passed FSc in third division is the most highly educated guy in my family and my mother wants me to marry him. He is very narrow-minded but I feel guilty for not getting married and making things easier for everyone.

A fellow lecturer ‘s brother, H, met me when I went to her birthday party. He is very educated and enlightened. Though he is not good looking like my wicked cousin, he has a pleasant personality. He talks to me on every topic, and tells me about his habits, likes and dislikes as he wants me to know everything about him, but I am scared of my parents. My friend knows how my family is and she has assured me that if I take a bold step, her family would not let me down. The problem is how to tell my parents. They are not like normal parents, because they care about the community more. I am sure they will not see me again if I marry H. Should I talk to my mother, or ask H to send his parentsl? What should I do?

Girl in Trouble

Dear Girl in Trouble,

It’s very sad that even in this day and age, parents put their community above the happiness of their children. Knowing about his temperament they still want you to marry him, which shows they don’t think your feelings matter and once you are married you will ‘adjust’ like every other girl who is forced to marry against her will. You are an educated and mature person, fully competent to make a decision for yourself, and should not let things like your sisters-in-law wanting you married ASAP compel you to take a hasty decision.

My dear, your parents are wrong about not considering the fact that your cousin is not suitable for you, but it’s your duty to try and convince them to the best of your ability. Talk to your mother and ask her to think about your happiness instead of the community. At this point, talking about H might make things even worse. Your parents will think your reason for not wanting to marry your cousin is H. So first do all you can to persuade them. If you fail in your attempt, tell them your friend wants to bring her brother’s proposal. It is possible that a solid proposal may make them relent, because you said you are not getting suitable proposals. If your parents still do not budge from their stance, you can exercise the right your religion has given you and marry H, without your parents’ blessings. However, this should be your last resort. I hope they do not cut you off for good, but the other option seems to be a lifetime of misery. Best of luck!

Problems that need a solution? You can e-mail

Prof. Nadine Khan at [email protected]

Write to Prof. Nadine Khan, c/o Editor ‘You!’ magazine,

The News, Al-Rehman Building (4th Floor) I.I. Chundrigar Road, Karachi.