Letters

Hi Nadine,

I am a 20-year-old girl. My depression started, I think, when I was 15. It’s because it was at this age I was first sexually abused. Both my parents are dedicated professionals. They provided me with everything, except their company. As an only child, I guess I needed a little attention from my parents. To seek this attention, I decided to fail a couple of tests. Instead of talking to me about my problem, they simply got me tutors. When I fell ill seriously, my mom stayed with me for three days, but on the fourth day she went back to work. I guess I was cranky and weak, so I called my dad and complained of loneliness. He said he would let me stay with my paternal uncle’s family for a few days. My educated mother had a problem with this and said I would stay with her brother’s family, and my father gave in. I was happy initially with my cousins, but one day when my uncle and aunt had gone to attend a wedding, their servant tried to rape me. Luckily, my eight-year-old cousin wanted some help with his homework and came to my room. My uncle’s cook became annoyed or confused when the kid started shouting, and while running away from the room, he hit the little boy so hard that his head struck the wall and he lost consciousness. My cries awakened my grandmother who called my uncle home. My aunt blamed me for his mental health problem and I think she is right. My cousin was sick for quite some time after that episode. I also lost my will to live. I got no support from my mother; she told me that since nothing actually happened, I should stop being so childish. My father took me to a doctor who said there was nothing wrong with me physically, and I needed a psychiatrist. My father didn’t agree, and he still thinks it’s just my laziness that’s holding me back. I was so depressed that I was unable to go to school for one year. I am now doing BS, but at times I just go numb and can’t study. My parents aren’t supportive at all. Most mornings, it’s an effort for me to get ready for university. Once there, I feel better, but I have become weird. There are times when I study hard and get good grades and there are times when I simply stare at my books for hours. I consulted a psychiatrist without telling my parents. He gave me some meds, but they made me sleepy, so I quit after my first visit. Do you have a solution for me?

Depressed S

Dear Depressed S,

You had a very traumatic experience and it’s very sad that you didn’t get the support you needed from your parents. Don’t feel upset about your aunt; it’s just the way some people are. Instead of feeling bad that you had this experience under her roof, she decided you were the villain. Don’t bother feeling wretched for a moron like her. Your doctor was right; your father should have taken you to a psychiatrist immediately. It would have helped you heal. Unfortunately, your parents didn’t realise the impact of trauma you were subjected to. You did the right thing to consult a psychiatrist, and I think you shouldn’t have quitted. Instead, you should have told him about feeling sleepy. Some meds can have such side effects on certain people, and your doctor can prescribe you something else. Is it possible for you to talk to your parents again and tell them you need help? No one can make you all right in one session; you need to visit your therapist regularly. In case, your parents don’t agree, contact Rozan, they do counselling sessions via phone also. Don’t give up on counselling, as it really helps. Also, if you have a cousin or a close friend you trust, talk to them. Talking about it openly will do wonders for you. You are a very brave and resilient girl, and I am sure you will get over this experience if you really give it a try. Good luck!

Problems that need a solution? You can e mail Prof. Nadine Khan at adinekhan_34@yahoo.com

Write to Prof. Nadine Khan, ­c/o Editor ‘You!’ magazine, The News, Al-Rehman Building (4th Floor) I.I Chundrigar Road, Karachi.