Letters

Hi Nadine Khan,

My problem started few months back. I got married about two and a half years ago. In the beginning, I had the best time of my life and was grateful to Allah for bestowing upon me His blessing. My husband was very caring and affectionate, always by my side. But, nowadays, we seem to have drifted apart. We constantly fight over petty issues. Not a single day goes by in which we don’t have an argument, so it’s becoming very stressful for me. I have resumed my studies from this year and also take care of my one-year-old son. I lose patience as my son is a handful, and when I scold him my husband treats me harshly. At least thrice he called my parents and complained about behaviour with my son. He also said some mean things to my parents, but later apologised. I got very hurt because he has made my parents unhappy, as I hold my parents in high regard. He also has a thing against my mother; he thinks she is interfering in our lives and has said that he would not let it continue. Honestly, I try to make him happy but he is always in a bad mood. He shouts at me over small issues like toys left lying on the floor. He has problems with the way I do my work. He has stopped listening to my side of the story or what I have to say. He taunts me by telling me to stop becoming like my mother. I know there are faults with me as well, but I really want to make this marriage work. He often threatens that he would leave me and sometimes says there will be drastic changes for me in his life. Please help me.

In Need of Help

Dear In Need of Help,

Relax, dear, there isn’t really anything wrong that cannot be fixed with a little fortitude, common sense and patience. The good thing is that you want to make your marriage work, and are aware that you have faults, too. It seems your husband is sensitive about your son, and when you lose temper with him he reacts badly. My dear, you must be stressed out because you have resumed your studies and have a son who is a ‘handful’. But, your son is just a child and cannot understand you are over-worked and stressed. So, as an adult, you have to control yourself and be patient. In your initial, blissful days, you were not studying and looking after your son, so you had plenty of time for your husband. It could be that you are not managing your time well and your husband feels that you are neglecting him and the house. Plan your day and try to stick to your schedule. Make sure you slot some time for your husband also. There is probably someone looking after your son in your absence. If it’s a maid, ask her to see that the toys are not left scattered on the floor and things are kept organised and tidy. In short, do all that you can to see that your son, and your husband’s fears about him will be allayed.

You are right about upholding your parents’ respect and honour but since he apologised to them, give him a chance. And, as for his assertion that your mother interferes in your life, you should think carefully, without being emotional, if what he says has some substance. My dear, you would not want his mother’s interference in your life, would you? So, if you talk to your mother about your problems, especially in his presence, he is bound to feel bad. Girls discuss things with their moms, and if their mothers are sensible they give good advice, too. But sometimes mothers become emotional and instead of calming down their daughters, they egg them on to confront their in-laws and even husbands. Think about it, and work on your attitude. I am sure your husband would be back to his usual, loving self. Good luck!

Problems that need a solution? You can e mail Prof. Nadine Khan at nadinekhan_34@yahoo.com

Write to Prof. Nadine Khan,­c/o Editor ‘You!’ magazine,

The News, Al-ehman Building (4th Floor) I.I Chundrigar Road, Karachi.