Letters

Dear Nadine Khan,

I am a 30-year-old married woman. I have been married for six years and have three children. I was a career-oriented girl and wanted to become a doctor, but was unable to get the required marks for medical college. Then I got married to a very highly educated person, E. It was totally an arranged marriage and I had not seen my husband before my wedding day. Well, there is nothing new or earth shattering about my story! My husband had a short temper. In the beginning my mother-in-law was not very bad with me, but when she saw E’s behavior towards me, she also started abusing me. My husband also hits me. Once he hit me so hard that I fell down and almost loss my baby. I had to be taken to the hospital. My parents came to know about E’s behavior after this episode, and asked him to divorce me, but he refused and promised to behave. I did not want a divorce because I love E, and also because of the baby. He still hits me but not violently. My husband got a job in Muscat three years back and since then, I have been living with my in-laws. Sometimes I have to borrow money from my parents to pay school fees of my two older children. A month ago, he told me to come and live with him in Muscat, as it was being increasingly difficult for him to manage on his own. He cannot cook and delivered food had given him ulcers. My mother-in-law tried to talk him out of it, but this time he put his foot down and said he wanted to live with his family. All formalities have been taken care of and I am supposed to join him in the middle of next year. I still love him and want to have a good and healthy relationship with him. He says that he loves me and our children very much, but I feel scared. I will be alone there and at his mercy. My parents think I should not go and get a divorce. If I stay here, I will continue to live with my in-laws, and my life will be hell. If I go there and he starts beating me again, I won’t even have my parents to console me. Should I go or stay? I don’t know what to do.

Confused and Distressed

Dear Confused and Distressed

Your story is not new but still very sad. Physical abuse of women is very common in our country and the worst thing is that it is simply taken for granted. You have had a miserable life so far, but it is possible that living alone with your husband will improve things. Up till now, your in-laws were there to interfere in your life, but in Muscat you will have a chance to start afresh. If you don’t go, you will never know. Also, your husband says he loves you and the kids, so it’s possible that he will also try to keep you all happy. My dear, give it a chance and see what transpires. Look at the bright side; E will be there to take care of your expenditures and you will not have to depend on anyone for money. It is possible that his behavior towards you was due to the manipulation of your mother-in-law. In that case, living with him without your mother-in-law may show E how important his family is for him. So keep a positive frame of mind and pray to God for your happiness. Best of luck!

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You can e mail Prof. Nadine Khan at nadinekhan_34@yahoo.com

Note: If you feel you need someone to talk to when you are alone, to hare a problem with, or just to get something that has upset or disturbed you off your chest, share it with us. Write to Prof. Nadine Khan, ­c/o Editor ‘You!’ magazine, The News, Al-Rehman Building (4th Floor) I.I Chundrigar Road, Karachi.