I am a 24-year-old guy. About six years back, I fell in love with a cousin, F, who was 23 at that time. I told her about my feelings, and she turned me down.
Dear Nadine,
I am a 24-year-old guy. About six years back, I fell in love with a cousin, F, who was 23 at that time. I told her about my feelings, and she turned me down. She said I was just infatuated and instead of thinking about such stuff, I should concentrate on my studies and become a professional. Initially, I was upset and felt awkward with F around, but she behaved normally and very soon I was able to talk to her without getting embarrassed. I remember how I used to be afraid that F would tell my parents, but she did not tell anyone.
After a few months, I got over her, so she was probably right; it was infatuation. I am now on the verge of completing MBA, and already have an offer from a company whose representatives visit our campus for placement purposes. The thing is that I have fallen in love again. Unfortunately, the girl I have fallen in love with, T, is another cousin and is also related to F. I am afraid that if I send my proposal for her, F would tell her about what happened between us. That's why I have not spoken to my mother about this issue. My mother wants me to get married and has asked me to tell her if I am interested in anyone. I want to do it right this time, through proper channel, so I have not spoken to T about my feelings.
Although my reputation in the family is good and my uncles and aunts give my example to their children, I am scared that F's disclosure would ruin my reputation badly. Should I forget T, and ask my mom to look out of the family for my bride, or should I take a risk by telling my mother that I want to marry T? I don't want my character and my image to be destroyed.
Stressed and Anxious
Dear Stressed and Anxious,
Proposing to a girl cannot destroy anyone's character or image. Although you were very young at that time, you went about it honourably, and F also behaved responsibly as an older cousin by telling you to concentrate on your career. Had she wanted to embarrass you, she would have told other family members then only. But she acted normally which, in turn, helped you to do the same. Since she did not do it then, I am sure she wouldn't do it now. So speak to your mother and let her do the rest. Even if the fact that you proposed to F somehow gets leaked out, no one will hold it against you as at that time you were just a teenager. So just relax, and stop worrying about F letting the cat out of the bag. Good luck!
