Letters

 Dear Nadine,

I am a 26-year-old doctor. I was engaged to my cousin, S, since we were both in intermediate. As a result, I became quite attached to him. He said he loved me, and he had told his parents that he wanted to marry me.  Since our families were quite close, everyone was happy and the engagement ceremony was celebrated in a grand manner. My uncle and aunt are very well off and as soon as S completed his intermediate, they sent him to the US for further studies. Initially, he was homesick and used to call me a lot. When he came on vacation after a year, he brought me many presents and told me he missed me all the time. I have to admit that I felt reassured. It’s not that I wanted presents, but the fact that he had actually given a lot of thought to what I would like, made me the happiest person alive.

Then he went back, but promised me that he would ask his parents to consider marrying us in a year’s time. True to his words, he persuaded his parents and they came to talk to my parents. They promised that we would not have any financial problems as they would support us till S completed his education and got a job. Unfortunately, my father did not like the idea. He said it was too early and we were both too young. My uncle tried his best to convince my father, but my father remained unmoved. S took it badly, and was upset with me for some time, but forgave me because he knew it was not my fault. I thought we were fine, and I don’t really know when things changed and he lost interest in me. Two years had gone by and his calls became few and far between. When I complained he put it down to the pressure of studies, and like a fool I believed him. I thought after a year he would return and we would get married. Also I did not want to annoy him. What happened next was a nightmare. An aunt of my mother came from USA on a visit and told my mother that S had married a Turkish student in his university! I did not believe her, because my uncle and aunt had not told us anything like that. But when my mother asked my aunt she broke down crying and said that they had been trying to make S leave that girl. My father broke our engagement and asked my mother to look for a suitable match. I was 21 at that time, and received quite a few proposals, but I told my parents I did not want to get married. I completed my studies, did my house job and started working. I still feel hurt and S’s deception has broken my trust in men completely. Now, the thing is that I recently got a good proposal and my parents are pressuring me to accept it.  My mother tells me all the time that in a year or two I would be lucky to get the proposal from a widower, as good proposals are not easy to come by nowadays! I don’t have the heart to tell them that I still love S, and somehow I have a feeling he would come back to me. In my heart, I can’t help blaming my father. Had he agreed to our marriage then, S would have been my husband. What should I do? Listen to my heart, or give in to my parents’ pressure?

Desolate Libra

Dear Desolate Libra,

It must have been difficult for your father to say no to your aunt and uncle, as you were already engaged and S’s parents were guaranteeing that there would be no financial problems. But, as a practical person, he did what he thought was better to safeguard your future. And he was right; S married that girl and your uncle and aunt kept it from you all. They should have informed your parents about S’s marriage, but they were also not being honest with you and your parents.

Don’t blame your father for S’s lack of resolve; thank God and him for saving your life. Have you considered what might have happened had you married a student? There was a chance you would have had a good married life, but then S could have left you for that girl in his university, too. So, in a way, it was better for you that your father didn’t let you get married to him. You are now at a mature age and should think sensibly. Why do you want him to leave his wife and come back to you? S doesn’t deserve such loyalty and devotion. Had he really loved you, he wouldn’t have married that Turkish girl. He forgot you in no time but you are still moping over him. Get a grip on yourself, girl, and move on. You are still young, but as your mother says, good proposals are not easy to come by and you should not keep on rejecting proposals out of hand. Look ahead, not back and accept that good proposal. Best of luck!