Letters

Dear Nadine,

I’m 28 years old. I studied at a good university but couldn’t manage to get a degree which led me to depression for many years. My parents are supportive and due to their encouragement, I successfully completed a diploma programme and applied for jobs. I was lucky enough to get calls from a few places but these places were so far that my parents didn’t allow me to go for the interviews.                   

The only way I can complete my degree is by applying for a B.A programme privately, but this won’t help me to apply any further for higher studies in a reputable university. Upon learning this I have lost interest in my studies, too.

Nadine, I don’t want to waste my life like that. I still want to study further regardless of my age and despite being labeled as the “weakest” student by my teachers. All I want to be is a very independent person and want to earn enough so that I can easily invest in my studies rather than wasting my parents hard earned money. I don’t want to be a burden on them. I’m interested in sports, photography, reading and writing. I have even tried writing a few articles and sending them to magazines but all my efforts have been in vain. I would love to become a photographer but I can’t ask my father to get me a DSLR because already he has invested a lot in my studies. I fear strangers and don’t feel like meeting my relatives too. I have developed inferiority complex. I have older siblings and they are settled in their lives. I have not received a single proposal even though I have good looks and personality. I don’t know if I’ll be ever able to get a suitable proposal. I don’t know what to do? Please help me.

Distorted Taurus

Dear Distorted Taurus,

You are understandably upset because you were not able to complete your degree, but that doesn’t mean you are not a smart person. You are not unintelligent, or you wouldn’t have reached university level. It’s just that some people are good students, but they are not good at taking exams. I think you should have taken online exams. So just because you could not complete your degree doesn’t mean that you cannot excel in other areas. 

Start by counting your blessings. You have extremely supportive parents who have always been there for you. One’s academic performance is not always the criterion for one’s success or failure in life. People who are not good at studies are sometimes gifted in other areas; you only need to find out your niche.

My dear, you should really complete your graduation privately. If you want, you can do MA privately, but there is no bar in pursuing a master’s programme in arts subjects as a regular student, too. However, you cannot take certain subjects as a private student. So if you are serious about going for further education, you can do it. You said you are interested in photography. You don’t need a DSLR to start with. Good photographers can click wonderful pictures with cell phone cameras. So first try it with any camera of good quality and once you are confident of pursuing a career in photography, get a decent camera. Social media can help you in presenting your pictures to the general public, so use it by posting your pictures that are good. It’s a good thing that you don’t want your parents to spend too much, but if you really want to help them out you could start giving tuitions to school children, or think of starting a day care centre. This will help you earn some money and at the same time help you with your stranger anxiety, as you will not have to meet strangers all of a sudden. Some people experience stranger anxiety during childhood, but overcome it as they grow old. Since you still have some traces of it, interacting with parents of the children will help you overcome your fear of strangers. People are people, just like you and your parents. Don’t be scared of interacting with them. Make a concerted effort to meet your relatives, especially your cousins. You will soon get over your shyness.

As for marriage, don’t worry too much; you are young and pretty and I am sure once you start meeting people they will realize what a good person you are, and you will get a good proposal. In this regard, has your mother been making any effort? Sometimes it is necessary to seek help from relatives and marriage bureaus if your family is not very social. So think about it also. Best of luck!