I have been in a relationship with a guy, D, for two years. We became friends on social media, and our friendship turned into a relationship soon. The guy is an engineer, and lives with his divorced mother.
Dear Professor Nadine,
I have been in a relationship with a guy, D, for two years. We became friends on social media, and our friendship turned into a relationship soon. The guy is an engineer, and lives with his divorced mother. I work for a multi-national company. When I told my family about him, my folks went to his house. They did not like the location of his apartment. He is not so well off, so he does not live in a respectable area. His maternal uncle’s family also lives in his apartment building.
My brothers asked them to shift to a better place, but D’s mother refused because she is also a working woman and has government job. Her office is near her home. D is also satisfied with his location for the present, but he told my family that he has intentions to change it in the near future, after his mother’s retirement, which is about five years away. He said he might do it sooner if he can manage the finances.
My family did not accept the proposal right away. They waited for a while for a better proposal, but when I did not get one, my mother told me to compromise over this little issue, as location does not matter but sincerity does. My engagement was held two months ago.
Everything was going normal, but one day I was going somewhere with my brother who showed me my home to be while we were in that vicinity. I did not like the area and the house at all. Now I am really confused; what should I do? Should I make a compromise and spend my life there? Or should I break my engagement in order to protect myself from problems in the future. I have to continue my job after marriage which will take place after five months. My in-laws don’t have issues regarding my job, but I am worried about what my co-workers will say after seeing my home. My van does not even come to that area. I belong to a well-established family. My own family is not very well off but my other family members are. Also, my friends got married into affluent families, and I fear what they will say about my marriage. I do love that guy but every girl has a dream of having a good house and well established life. In this situation I am very worried. Please help me.
Confused Girl
Dear Confused Girl,
It is perfectly normal to wish for a well-settled guy, but life is all about making the best of what we get. It’s true that living in the locality that is so different from what you are used to will not be easy, and you will have to make a huge effort to settle down. But look at the bright side of the picture: you will be marrying the person you love and that should make things acceptable to you.
It seems you fear the reaction of your relatives and co-workers more than living in that area. That is perfectly understandable, but you can get around this problem by facing the problem boldly. Don’t let anyone suspect you are embarrassed; be confident and welcome your relatives and colleagues without showing the least sign of discomposure. Act normally and others will also follow your example.
You say that every girl dreams of having a good house, but why should girls just dream about something they want so passionately? They should be willing to invest their time and efforts towards realising their dreams. You are a working woman and if you work side by side with your husband, there is no reason why you will not be able to get a house in a better area earlier than D foresees now.
Think about it carefully. If you really love D, put up with temporary inconvenience and achieve your goal with him. But, if you honestly feel you cannot live in that area, you should break your engagement because if you are not mentally prepared to live in that area for some years, you will feel miserable and make D’s life hell, too. Best of luck!
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