The lawyer was cross-examining a witness.
“Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you were given $500.00 to throw this case?”
The witness did not answer. Instead, he just stared out the window as though he hadn’t heard the question. The attorney repeated himself, again getting the same reaction - no response.
Finally, the judge spoke to the witness, “Please answer the question.”
“Oh,” said the startled witness, “I thought he was talking to you.”
A science teacher tells his class, “Oxygen
is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773.” A blonde student responds, “Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it.”
“Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?”
- Bill Murray
“He who laughs...lasts.”
- Erma Bombeck
“Politics: ‘Poli’ a Latin word meaning ‘many’; and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.”
- Robin Williams
“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.”
- Marilyn Monroe