Why did he change?
I am a 14-year-old student, currently doing my O levels from a prestigious school system in Rawalpindi. My problem is related to my friend, A, who is also my Mathematics teacher at school. Actually, about a year ago, when I was going through a period of severe depression, he was the only one who understood me and helped me come out of it by offering me friendship. Of course, I accepted it. Because of his encouragement I also improved my grades. Eventually I became close to him. Whenever he was absent or ill, I used to text him; whenever he was sad, I tried my level best to be with him. He also responded in a positive way, despite being busy, he used to take out as much time as possible for me. But it did not last long.
Recently, our class went on a field trip and to my shock, A behaved differently. He enjoyed the company of other students and completely ignored me. After the trip, A gradually distanced himself from me and I have started to feel more lonely and depressed. Every other person has noticed this change in me except for A. Now, I have broken up with A but he is still not bothered. According to him, it is all my fault. I am very hurt. I trusted A so much and he has left me.
Guru, I need your help. Why did he change? Am I the one who is wrong? What should I do to get out of this state of loneliness and depression?
Dear Lonely Lad,
Come on little boy, be a sport. Don’t be so sentimental. A supported you emotionally when you were in crisis; he slowly distanced himself from you when he felt that you did not need his help any more. My dear, you need to realise that A was never your friend. He was your mentor and a teacher who paid extra attention to you when you needed it. You should be grateful to him that he took out time from his busy schedule and encouraged you to do better in studies. A hasn’t left you. He has other students and other responsibilities to take care of; he cannot give you undivided attention all the time. So, don’t expect too much from him. Maybe he got suffocated by your passiveness. Maybe you sounded too demanding to him and he couldn’t give you that much time, so he thought of distancing himself from you quietly. So, don’t be upset. Things can be sorted out. Go and meet A with an open heart and tell him that how much you appreciate him but don’t pressurise him to be your friend. Just leave him on a good note. Don’t keep grudges in your heart or else you will never be able to get out of depression no matter what you do. When A notices that you are behaving normally, he will start talking to you again. Good luck!
Should I tell her I am married?
I am a 25-year-old teacher. I am married and I have a baby daughter. My wife is really gorgeous and caring too. But the problem is that I am having an affair with another woman. My girlfriend Z does not know that I am married. My wife has an idea that I am involved somewhere and she really gets jealous when she sees me texting to Z. Guru, I love Z so much but I am too scared to tell her that I am married. She will break up with me and I do not want to lose her. Should I tell her I am married? Please help.
Dear Weak Lover,
I am just amazed at your selfishness. You are only thinking about your own happiness and you don’t care about your family. You have a little daughter and a caring wife but you have been cheating on them without any guilt. My dear, you cannot have your cake and eat it too. Sooner or later Z will get to know about your reality and then she will leave you. On the other hand, when your wife finds out about your affair, do you think she will stay with you? More often than not, this kind of behaviour ends in bad results. So, don’t try to sail in two boats or you will be drowned. It’s better to break up with Z and focus on your married life.
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