Signs you’re getting old
- You and your teeth don’t sleep together.
- You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren’t wearing any.
- Your back goes out but you stay home.
- It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
- When happy hour is a nap.
- When you’re on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
- When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
- When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
- When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
- Your idea of weightlifting is standing up.
- Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
- Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
- You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
- The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
- Getting ‘lucky’ means you found your car in the parking lot.
- Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt — doesn’t work.
- You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.
You just can’t win
- If you stay home and do the housework, you’re useless.
- If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
- If you get a promotion ahead of her, that’s favouritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, that’s equal opportunity.
- If you mention how nice she looks, that’s harassment. If you keep quiet, that’s male indifference.
- If you cry, you’re a wimp. If you don’t, you’re insensitive.
- If you make a decision without consulting her, you’re a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she’s a liberated woman.
- If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy, that’s domination. If she asks you, that’s a favour.
- If you buy her flowers, you’re after something. If you don’t, you’re not thoughtful.
- If you’re proud of your achievements, you’re up on yourself. If you don’t, you’re not ambitious.
Compiled by Usama Rasheed
