Normally, in our society girls paint a very rosy picture of marriage in their minds. Since the very beginning, girls dream of becoming brides and like all Mills and Boons stories
Confidential
Dear Stressed Girl,
Normally, in our society girls paint a very rosy picture of marriage in their minds. Since the very beginning, girls dream of becoming brides and like all Mills and Boons stories they all wait for Prince Charming to fulfill their desires. But unfortunately practical life is different. Marriage is not only about romance. It’s a lifelong commitment and one has to make many compromises in order to keep the ball rolling. Normally, the first year of marriage is always the toughest. It takes time to adjust to new surroundings. You are a new entry into someone’s house and it’s not easy to make your place in a new house and especially in your husband’s heart. Marriage demands a lot of patience and compromises.
I can understand your predicament, young girl. You are a few-months old bride and you have gone through a lot. I know your husband and in-laws are giving you a tough time but it does not mean that you should give up so easily. You must give your best shot before finally give in. You did not take the right decision by coming to your parents’ house. You should not have left your husband’s home in the first place. If you do not want a divorce then you should go back to your husband’s home. You have stated that they are your relatives. So, in case of divorce it will be a breakup of two families, not of two people. My suggestion to you is to reconcile with your hubby. If you want this marriage to continue then you have to put in extra effort. Even if he is not in a mood, you must give it a try so that you won’t regret your decision. Give your marriage some time. However, if you feel that despite your best efforts your husband or his family are not appreciating your love and there is no change in their behaviour, then yes, you can think about separation but not now. And a word of advice, don’t start your family unless you are 100 percent sure that you are going to stay with him. Remember, a child may complicate your case. So, weigh all the pros and cons before taking any final decision. Good luck!
Just because she has kids!
Dear Guru,
I am a 25-year-old woman. I got married two years ago. Since I’ve got married, I have maintained good relations with my husband and my in-laws. But I don’t get along with my sister-in-law, H (my jhitani). She has been married for 12 years and has three kids. She hates me for no rhyme or reason. She is 10 years older than me and is ordinary looking. On the other hand, I happen to be pretty and smart and I am friendly too. H is a bitter person and she does not say anything good about anyone in the family. In contrast, I have made my place quickly among my in-laws. I treat my mother-in-law with respect. I started helping my mother-in-law and spending time with her the very next month of my marriage, whereas H didn’t do it in her 12 years of marriage. Now H has shifted to Islamabad but whenever she comes she doesn’t let my mother-in-law spend time with me.
Guru, there is another thing which is bothering me. I haven’t been able to conceive yet but since my jethani has three kids, she thinks that she is the queen of the house and deserves all the importance and attention. But Guru, do you think it’s fair. Just because she has kids and I don’t have children is she superior and I am inferior? What should I do so that my mother-in- law stays fair in treating both of us? I do all I can to make my in-laws happy but still they give preference to H. I am so upset.
Choti Bahu
Dear Choti Bahu,
You should not lose heart. You have been married only for two years. You are still young and there is ample time in your hand. However, if this thing is bothering you, you must go to a good gynecologist along with your hubby and get you and hubby checked. Sometimes there may be a medical complication that can be removed easily if you get to know on time. Then leave it to God. It’s kind of funny that people brag about having children without realizing that it is not their achievement; it’s a gift from God. Anyway, you should not feel upset about anything. Since H is the bari bahu and has three children, it’s but natural; don’t feel bad if your mom-in-law does not reciprocate your feelings. It seems like your sister-in-law is plain jealous of you, so just ignore her. You are a sensible woman, just keep doing good. What actually matters is your relationship with your husband. If you have a strong relationship with him and he is happy with you then all other things become secondary. Good luck!
