I am a 19-year-old girl. I have recently completed A-Level. I am very much interested in studying abroad. My father is a businessman and he can easily afford to send me to any good institution/college in the world.
I am a girl
Dear Guru,
I am a 19-year-old girl. I have recently completed A-Level. I am very much interested in studying abroad. My father is a businessman and he can easily afford to send me to any good institution/college in the world. But there is one big problem – my parents cannot send me alone, the reason being I am a girl. Actually, I belong to a community where it is unthinkable for girls to go abroad for higher education. It is all right for boys to do whatever they like but for girls there are strict rules and mostly girls in our clan are married off at an early age. My parents are broad-minded and they want me to study further, but they are under pressure. Our community is very strong. If they go against their family customs, then all the other members of the community will socially boycott them. My parents have suggested that I should get married and then I can pursue my studies. If I go abroad with my hubby, then nobody would object. Guru, there are few proposals, but I am not interested in getting married right now. I am very upset with my parents. Why can’t they take a stand for me? My parents have already chosen a boy who is settled in England. Sometimes I just want to run away from the house. What should I do?
Girl on the Move
Dear Girl on the Move,
Sadly, we live in a patriarchal society where preference is generally given to males. We all are victims of biased attitudes. Don’t feel negative about your parents. You need to understand that they are under immense pressure. It’s very difficult for your parents to go against old family traditions. It’s not that they are not willing to send you abroad, but it’s not possible for them to take a stand and live in isolation. In case you want to rebel, keep the repercussions in mind. If you leave your house, then you will have to say goodbye to all the comforts and luxuries and then who would pay for your travel expenses and tuition fee abroad? Having said that, the only choice which is left for you is to get married. Think practically. Actually, it’s not a bad idea. But you must choose your life partner on your own terms and conditions. Make it very clear that he or his family will not stop you from studying further. Your parents are sensible enough; they have selected a guy who is already settled abroad. So talk to your prospective husband and make a pact with him. If he agrees, nothing like it but if he disagrees, then you have the right to say no to the proposal. Meanwhile, don’t waste your time and take admission in a local college. Don’t feel disheartened, your situation is still better than millions of girls. Hopefully you will find a good partner who can understand you and will support you too. Good luck!
My fiancé is a miser
Salam Guru,
I am a 21-year-old girl. Last year, I did my graduation and now I am teaching in a school. I belong to a middle-class family. I am engaged and will get married early next year. My fiancé, R, is my cousin and we have been engaged for the last four years. R is 26 years old and he works for a multi-national company. He earns pretty well but he does not spend and that’s precisely my problem. My fiancé is such a miser. He never gives me expensive gifts and he never takes me out to fancy restaurants. He says that he is saving money for the wedding. Guru, I understand that but my best friend’s fiancé pampers her so much and sometimes I sort of feel jealous. This Eid I was expecting a designer jora; instead, I got bangles and mehndi. Well, my fiancé claims that he loves me a lot but what’s the point when there is no fun? I am getting second thoughts. I don’t think I can spend the rest of my life with a miserly man. What should I do?
Disgruntled Girl
Dear Disgruntled Girl,
Calm down. Your fiancé looks like a sensible man who does not want to blow up his hard-earned money and he spends judicially. You cannot call him a miser if he does not take you to fancy restaurants. You should appreciate his love and sincerity towards you. He is saving money for the wedding which signifies that he wants to live a comfortable life with you. Don’t weigh his love against material things. And don’t compare him with your best friend’s fiancé. If you start comparing, then you will never be able to live a happy life. I advise you to be content with what you have. Wish you a happy married life ahead.
Good luck!
