COMIC RELIEF

Xwit

• Neil Renic (@NC_Renic): Please stop assuming that too many em dashes means AI written. Some of us are producing grammatically incoherent work the honest way!
• SentientBunnySuit (@SuitSentient): If I'm guilty of anything, it's having loved too much. Also insider trading.
• Benny Feldman (@Feldfrog): The enemy of my enemy is my enemy once removed.
• Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats): Pretty cool that I found some chips in this bag of air I just bought.
• Ashley Noelle (@ash_isawitch): My ex used to say I was a lot in the morning but he’s wrong. I’m a lot all day.
• Gia (@GashleyMadison): I spent rent on a Chanel purse. But I plan to fall for someone rich and mysteriously generous before the 1st, so it’s fine.
• Jynx (@jynxbby): Notice how we say “girl” when excited and “man” when disappointed.
• Krista (@kristabellerina): Some of you never had to get up to change the TV channel for your parents and it shows.

Laugh Lines

The agent

A DEA officer came to a farm. “I need to inspect your farm for any illegally grown drugs,” he said.

“Okay,” the farmer replied, “but don’t go in that field over there.”

The DEA officer verbally exploded, saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!” Reaching into his back pocket, the officer pulled out his badge and shoved it in the farmer’s face. “See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish … on ANY land! No questions asked or answers given! Do I make myself clear? Do you understand?”

The farmer nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores. A short time later, the farmer heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by a big old mean bull! With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he’d get gored before reaching safety. The officer was clearly terrified.

So, the farmer threw down his tools, ran to the fence, and shouted at the top of his lungs, “Your badge, show him your badge!!”

POINTS TO PONDER

“The devil is the father of lies, but he neglected to patent the idea, and the business now suffers from competition.” – Josh Billings