Natalie Would (@_NatalieWould): Don't ask me ‘How are you?’ unless you're willing to sign an NDA....
Xwit
Natalie Would (@_NatalieWould): Don't ask me ‘How are you?’ unless you're willing to sign an NDA.
Haligah (@sirdemm): What doesn’t kill you likes your Instagram story again after 4 months.
MisterD (@MisterD78UK): Adulting: 60% worrying if I can afford it, 20% laundry, 15% scrolling Netflix, and 5% debating whether Batman or Spider-Man would win in a fight.
Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker): I’d appreciate your thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. My neighbour gave her kid a whistle today and I fear I won’t survive it.
Terri Paella Piñata (@terrip38): If the early birds get the worm, why are they so loud at 4am? Their mouths should be full.
Serena Shahidi (@glamdemon2004): Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.
Neil Renic (@NC_Renic): Reject cold, soulless AI misinformation. Embrace human-centred, traditional Wikipedia misinformation.
Nayele18 (@nayele18maybe): Super excited about a brand new week of inner turmoil.
Laugh Lines
A man comes home dejected. “I bombed my test to become the safety coordinator at a nuclear power plant,” he tells his wife.
“Oh dear,” she sympathizes. “What happened?”
“They asked me ‘What are the steps you’d take if a reactor coolant alarm went off?’,” he says. “Apparently ‘Very large ones’ wasn’t the answer they were looking for.”
During a job interview, the interviewer asks the candidate, “What would you say is your biggest weakness?”
“Honesty,” says the candidate.
“I don’t think honesty is a weakness,” the interviewer points out.
“Well I don’t care what you think,” replies the candidate.
“Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.” – Dorothy Parker
