Why are some people so rude, and how should we deal with them in a way that doesn’t negatively affect us?
COVER STORY
It is a brilliant Friday morning, and you are driving to work, humming your current favourite tune and looking forward to the weekend when — out of nowhere — a car swerves dangerously close to yours in a bid to overtake you. You slam the brakes and turn abruptly to the other side, almost hitting the pavement. In that microsecond, as you give the senseless driver a look of bewilderment, he makes a rude gesture and speeds away. It was absolutely his fault, yet no apology was offered; instead, you were blatantly disrespected.
Now your mood is certainly not the same as it was a moment ago. You might even turn down the music to gather your composure or contemplate the appalling behaviour of the driver who has since vanished into thin air. You may even wonder what you did to deserve being on the receiving end of such atrocity. Interacting with a rude person can really put a damper on one’s mood. It does not matter that this obnoxious person was a stranger you may never see again — they have still succeeded in spoiling a good portion of your day as your thoughts revisit the unpleasant experience.
Why are some people so rude, and how should we deal with them in a way that doesn’t negatively affect us?
Rude people are having a bad day
One of the primary reasons for a person’s offensive behavior is that they are having a bad day. Perhaps they had an argument with their spouse, got a scolding from their boss, or lost their bank card. Something unpleasant has happened, and they are lashing out at others because of their own misfortune. As the saying goes, "hurt people hurt people." When people are happy and having a great day, it is easier for them to be amicable and pleasant to others. Happy people are often in a generous mood, which is why it is frequently advised: "Do not make a promise when you are happy."
Rude people have significant problems
Some people face serious problems and dilemmas in their lives, causing them to vent their frustration on others. They might be battling a severe illness, suffering in an abusive relationship, or reeling from a major financial loss. In such circumstances, internal negativity often leads people to lose consideration for others.
Rude people want to put up boundaries
The famous Indian actor Amitabh Bachchan once said in an interview … that he avoids people because he feels that opening up to them will allow them to take advantage of him. “I steer clear of people because I wonder, what do they want from me?” he said. Therefore, sometimes people put up a front of detachment and indifference, which may seem rude, but it is, in fact, a defense mechanism to protect themselves from being taken advantage of.
Rude people are triggered by you
You might remind them of a person, a quality, or a characteristic they dislike, or you may trigger an unpleasant association or memory in their mind. Thus, they might behave harshly with you as a means of showing disapproval. For example, a formerly overweight person might treat overweight people with contempt because they remind him of something he rejected in himself and therefore feels doesn’t deserve respect. Internalized prejudice is a phenomenon where people harbour biases against the group to which they themselves belong—for example, a person scorning members of their own race or nationality.
Rude people are threatened by you
Your presence might feel like a threat to them. A person being mean may believe that you are better than them in some way. Furthermore, they may fear that you will take something that belongs to them or that they have control over. This dynamic is often seen in South Asian culture when a newlywed bride begins living with her in-laws. The territorial mother-in-law’s rude behavior toward her daughter-in-law often stems from feeling threatened by a new person in the household. The fear of losing power and control in certain aspects of domestic and family life is frequently the catalyst for such hostile behavior.
Rude people want to exert superiority
In certain scenarios, a person may behave brashly to assert dominance over another. Such individuals believe that being nice places the other person on the same level as themselves, so they are disrespectful as a way of putting them "in their place."
Rude people are insecure
Philosopher Eric Hoffer said that rudeness is the weak person’s imitation of strength. Insecure individuals often put on a tough mask to hide their vulnerabilities, and this facade is frequently accompanied by ill manners and insensitivity. Moreover, insecure people fear that showing kindness will make them appear vulnerable to others, so they resort to impolite behavior as a form of self-protection.
Rude people are really not that bad
Some seemingly rude people are actually very nice once you get to know them. A doctor I consulted in Canada had a somewhat harsh demeanor but was nevertheless an absolutely fantastic physician. She was brilliant in her diagnosis, and through the tough exterior, I observed a person who genuinely cared for her patients. Practicing medicine is extremely demanding in Canada, so perhaps the stress of her work made her irritable. It is likely that her massive workload didn’t allow her time to exchange pleasantries with her patients, leaving an incorrect impression of insensitivity.
Rude people may be undiplomatic by nature
Some people are simply blunt by nature, and bluntness is often perceived as rudeness. They may themselves be "thick-skinned" (not easily offended) and, as a result, project their mentality by not being overly concerned with the feelings of strangers. However, they may be very kind and considerate toward the people who matter to them, such as family and friends. Their straightforward and to-the-point character can come across as insensitive and impolite.
Dealing with rudeness
People have different ways of dealing with rudeness. Some choose to react in a similar manner, but responding to rudeness in kind may escalate the situation and make it worse. The most important thing is not to take rude behavior personally, because more often than not, it has nothing to do with you. Remember to never lose your temper. Always pause before responding. It is best not to lower yourself to the same level as the obnoxious person, but to instead behave gracefully and take the high road.
However, if someone’s behaviour is particularly distressing, and you do not tolerate being treated with a lack of manners, you may absolutely question them about their behaviour in a serious but non-aggressive way. Often, when you query a rude person about their behavior, they feel embarrassed and offer an explanation. Once, a man outside a store was being very angry and ill-mannered, but when I questioned his unreasonable conduct, he broke down and said that his son was in the hospital.
Sensible and non-confrontational people will prefer to ignore meanness and simply go about their day. Then there are those who are so emotionally mature and secure that they choose to respond to rudeness with kindness. It is said that rude people need kindness the most. However, brashness on a daily basis can be exhausting. Therefore, if you have to deal with an insensitive person frequently, such as at the workplace, it is best to create distance and set a boundary. You must make it clear that you will not accept disrespect.
In conclusion, I’d like to say that we are all going through something or the other —life isn’t always easy, so be kind as much as possible. As someone once said, "kindness doesn’t cost a thing," and if you are in the wrong, just admit your mistake, apologize, and see the magic unfold. Most confrontations are immediately resolved if only one person chooses to soften their words and demeanor. Perhaps novelist Henry James said it best: “Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.”