A mathematician wanders back home at 3 a.m. and proceeds to get an earful from his wife.
“You’re late!” she yells. “You said you’d be home by 11:45!”
“Actually,” the mathematician replies coolly, “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”
“But you weren’t home by a quarter of 12, yelled the wife.
“I was,” replied the mathematician urbanely. Divide 12 by four, or a quarter. Now, do you get it? It’s three.”
Once, a clerk received a pound extra in his pay-packet, but he didn’t mention it to his boss. However, his boss found out and deducted it from the following payday.
“Hey,” said the clerk, “I am a pound short this week.”
“You didn’t say anything last week when you were paid a pound more, I noticed.”
“No,” replied the clerk. “I can overlook one mistake but when it happens twice, it’s time to speak up!”
Passing an office building late one night, the blonde saw a sign that read, “Press bell for night watchman.” She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs.
The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.
“Well,” he snarled, “what do you want?”
“I just wanted to know why you can’t ring it yourself.”