I lack confidence
Dear Guru,
I am a 19-year-old girl but I don’t look more than 16 years of age since I am very skinny. I don’t like it. My problem at the moment, though is my lack of confidence. Actually, I have suffered from inferiority complex all my life. My parents always compared me with my older brother. They always gave him more importance and they made me believe that I knew nothing and my brother was superior to me in every aspect - in smartness, in intelligence, in studies, etc. I tried to be like him but in the process I lost track of my own personality. I became an introvert and lost interest in studies, too; I cleared my A- Levels with a narrow margin.
Now, I want to improve myself. When I watch celebrities giving interviews with aplomb, I am impressed. I also want to gain confidence. I want to talk to people in English but for sme reason I feel reluctant in communicating in English because of my shyness. All my other friends are very confident and they all live happy lives. I am the one who is lagging behind. Guru, do advise me as to what I should do to polish my personality.
Scorpio Nostril
Dear Scorpio Nostril,
Your low self-esteem is the outcome of your parents’ negligence towards you when you were young. Sadly, most parents in our patriarchal society don’t treat their daughters and sons equally. They usually give preference to their sons and put them on a high pedestal. On the other hand, they give little or no importance to their daughters. This is the typical mindset and your parents are no exception. However, the good part is that you want to improve yourself, which is a very positive thing. Now, you need to remind yourself that ‘you are no less than anyone’, ‘nobody is like you in this world and ‘you are unique’. You have to feel good about yourself from inside which will certainly give a boost to your confidence. Secondly, make a conscious effort to mingle with people and don’t be afraid of chatting with them in English. The best way to improve your English is to talk in front of the mirror and pick your own flaws. This has been a tried and tested trick. Many people practise in front of the mirror before delivering their speeches in public. Practice is the key. The more you interact with people, the more confident you will become. And, don’t worry about looking so young. You will thank God for looking younger than your age a few years later. Good luck!
She has ditched me
Salam Guru,
I am 24 years old. I am a graduate from University of Sindh, Jamshoro. Nowadays I am working for the Federal Government. My problem is that I love a girl, M. who was my class fellow at university. We were madly in love and she had promised to marry me and her parents had no objection to our marriage. But my parents rejected her on the grounds that she was an outsider. Guru, in our family there is no concept of love marriage and one has to marry within family. However, I did not lose heart and I told her to wait for me till the time I settled down. Then I concentrated fully on my future so that I could stand on my own feet.
Now that I am financially independent, I am in a position to propose to her on my own. But only recently she has changed her mind. I have heard that she is engaged to her cousin. She has even changed her number. Guru, I am so heartbroken. I have worked so hard in my bid to live a happy life with her and now she has broken her promise and has left me in the lurch. She is a liar and a cheat. What should I do?
Confused Boy
Dear Confused Boy,
I can understand your feelings, young man, but you need to be realistic. You cannot call her a liar and a cheat without knowing the real facts. I am sure she must have been pressurised by her parents to say yes to this proposal. In our society it is very difficult for girls to take a bold stand especially from conservative families. She did what was in her hands but then she wasn’t sure about you so she succumbed to her parents’ wishes. And think practically, your parents had been against her from day one. Do you think they would accept her wholeheartedly even if you married her against their will? They would never let you live peacefully with your wife and you might regret your decision afterwards. So, accept the situation with an open heart and mind. I know it will take you a while to get out of depression, but time is a great healer. Now, try to marry someone who will also be approved by your parents if you want to live a hassle free life. Good luck!
