Sink thyself! There ask what ails thee, at that shrine.(Mathew Arnold).
Sink thyself! There ask what ails thee, at that shrine.(Mathew Arnold).
Most react to criticism with general unwillingness to accept it. In business and Government organisations, at the time of annual appraisals, most staff feel that their supervisors are unkind in evaluating their personality and skill set. Regardless of how dispassionate the Supervisor may have been in the assessment exercise, the recipient of the evaluation, remains mostly unsatisfied. Actually, this perennial dilemma emerges from the failure to regularly do a personal assessment- with no bias of self- love, in attendance.
Starting from school days going up to university education, if the ratings/marks obtained are less than personal expectations, the blame is squarely placed at the doorstep of the examination paper setter or the checker of answer sheets. There is pronounced unwillingness to retrace and judge, if the minimum input that was desired to achieve a certain ranking was made, or was there any known and unknown inadequacy in the quality of preparation. Dostoevsky says, ‘lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others’. Most leaders and managers demand the mirror on the wall, of the type that would lie and say that they are the most possessed of superlative qualities. But alas! The mirror by its very quality knows the truth, and that can neither be expunged or changed.
It is my belief that, it is in the very early years of the childhood, when the process of formative thought begins, the child has to be encouraged and be reminded often to undertake an introspection of his/her everyday behaviour, so that the corrective mode gets activated, to avoid the possibility of having to witness fingers being pointed towards them. The inability to establish interpersonal relationships at the workplace is normally reflective of childhood behaviour, where there is reluctance to make friends and acquaintances; this attitude stems from fear, apprehensions, an introvert nature or could be from pure and unalloyed arrogance of not wanting to meet others, for reasons of self gathered distinction.
Pride, just as it has multiple sources of emergence, also exhibits itself, through numerous types of manifestation that becomes visible in everyday attitude and behaviour. We have to bring the pristine and purest sincerity with its full force to discover ourselves. The learned knows others, the wise knows, himself.
Professionalism demands that we should often ask ourselves the question, “Do I know Myself?”. The short answer from experience and observation is that most of us do not know our own selves; those who do, also pretend not to know. Our inner self and outer self can remain as distanced neighbours for the longest time, without the realisation of its perils, by both. What we know of ourself is normally divorced from what we are. This is a fact. The lens of self love blinds us to our incapacities and inadequacies. The continuous refusal to accept this reality doesn’t permit the carrying out of a truthful exercise, to think deeply and discover, with full honesty, our fault lines.
The fault lines, regrettably can be hereditary too. This scribe knows it is not the best thing to say, but human behaviour along its continuum stands out as a testimony, that indeed many react to situations (especially those situations where the authority is challenged) with similarity to the previous generations quality of reaction. Each individual represents its distinctive genes. It is also, however, proven in history, that hereditary fault lines are corrected by the enlightened, who recognise them, and hence willingly alter and amend their responses.
The fissures and cracks that we develop as we grow, in our personalities, are borrowed from the society we live in; from our educational institutions and from the company we keep. The sources of influence on our behaviour are on an astronomical rise, with the growth of technology and advent of new platforms of thought that emerge from developments like the use of Artificial Intelligence(AI), Chatgpt, etc.
In every aspect of life, there is evil and nobility. We all have a choice . The elements of ‘evil and nobility’ have to be seen and judged, on the frame of a very broad horizon -- it is not only about an individual behaviour; it is also as much about societal values and cultural traditions. Experience proves that goodness begets goodness. If an impartial assessment allows for improvement in thought and action, the task to change becomes easy. Internal recognition to seek knowledge about one’s self leads towards emancipation from the burdens of the past and hereditary reactions.
Our naive opinion of ourselves is possibly the greatest deception one can indulge in; and most of us bring to ourselves even greater delight in doing so. We have great tact and skill, the inner self is concealed and masked, from our own self. Whenever we present ourselves before others, we essentially extend an invitation to all, to undertake a critical review of our personality; those who present that which is not true, are most likely to learn the hard way that the best you suggest you are, will get exposed. Putting “false” as best will always fail. To impress others, firstly, one has to impress one’s own self and this can be achieved only through truthful evaluation of self. He that is ill to himself will be no good to nobody is a time tested adage. The endeavour of self evaluation has to be about, to master thoroughly, the knowledge of himself/herself.
Every day at the workplace, the aim has to be to discover how much improvement has happened over yesterday. We normally evaluate others and own self on the yardstick of possessing unique skill set or a large bank balance or being in a position of authority -- undoubtedly, these elements also represent success and progress in its limited dimension, but in relation to the impact upon mental growth, these aspects have minimal influence --these material objectives or possessions are limited in time and quantity. These are exhaustible resources of influence.
On the contrary, elements like modesty, humility, selflessness and general goodness towards all and sundry are the long lasting and sustainable resources. The need, while discovering the self must necessarily, tilt towards these areas, for improvement. The virtue of this is two-fold; firstly it improves the quality of life; and secondly, the actions are directed towards the general welfare of others. The acceleration in seeking good for others can only happen, when the leader/manager can see beyond their noses. Those who judge with honesty about themselves will never be mistaken.
Mind other men, but most yourself. Many of us spend a great part of our energy to change the world. What a waste, it is to think you can! However, what can be charged ... and almost with ease and least difficulty is to ‘change own self’. It is the continuous refusal by individuals and society to change, that brings the agony and the pain of being worst In all areas of societal and personal loss. Some of this refusal arises out of ignorance but mostly it is due to obduration and obstinate unwillingness to look only with our own lenses, our respective personal behaviour and characteristics.
T.S. Elliott wrote, “it is not enough to understand what we ought to be, unless we know, what we are, and we do not understand, what we are, unless we know what we ought to be”. A serious and honest critical examination of daily behaviour would normally bring to the fore that there is no such thing as ‘fear’ to dominate our thought and action. If thinking and action are in accord, with highest elements of integrity and honesty, no course of action, adopted judiciously, should create anxieties and concerns.
In the discovery of the self, the intention shouldn’t be restricted to finding gaps and inadequacies alone, but it must highlight all the positive traits possessed, to evaluate, if these need to be exploited more; and also to ensure that the positive traits help in filling the lack of necessary qualities, required to manage people and resources.
This scribe is fatally resigned to the thought that it is by virtue of voracious reading habits, that one is able to do a dispassionate and honest discovery of who he/she is; what do we represent and what do we wish to achieve for oneself and others. The closest cousin to reading as a source of motivation and encouragement is the company we keep. A good combination of the two will permit the discovery of self, with truth and honesty.
The writer is a senior banker and a freelance columnist
