close
You

Goodbye mom

By Erum Noor Muzaffar
Tue, 05, 16

We all love our mothers and we cannot imagine our lives without them. They are our reason of existence, they raise us with much love and care; they are the ones who inculcate good moral and social values in us. Mothers are our best friends, mentors and keepers. We never want our mothers to go away but the truth is we are mortals and we all have to go back to our Creator eventually.

one from the heart

We all love our mothers and we cannot imagine our lives without them. They are our reason of existence, they raise us with much love and care; they are the ones who inculcate good moral and social values in us. Mothers are our best friends, mentors and keepers. We never want our mothers to go away but the truth is we are mortals and we all have to go back to our Creator eventually. So, with a heavy heart you say good bye to your dear mom one day.

Goodbye mom

I remember how close my siblings and I were with our mother. She was an epitome of warmth and affection. Though she was a house wife, she was very wise and far-sighted. How can I forget the day when we lost our father! We were all in a state of shock, but she bravely not only endured the loss of her husband but also gave us the much needed love and protection. Even after the death of our father she ran the house very sensibly and smoothly in her limited budget.

Time flew by and one by one we all got married and got settled in our lives. She was always there for us - to guide us; to advise us; to help us out in every situation. She was the favourite in her extended family too because of her kindness and hospitality. Then about three years ago she left us for good after a prolonged illness.

Her passing away left a vacuum in me. I felt lonely and depressed for days - thinking: now who would pray for me; who would love me unconditionally; who would take my tantrums without complaining; who would share my sorrows and pains? For days I was in grief but then I had to come to terms with the reality that ‘she is no more’ and that life goes on.

Believe me; coping with the loss of your mother is not easy. This is one of the hardest realities to accept. Three years have passed by but my mother’s sweet voice still echoes in my mind. However, I have finally learnt to live without her. How did I manage to do that? I am sharing a few points for those who are going through the same grief. Hope these tips will help in getting you out of depression.

 Get away with your mother’s belongings

The more you keep your mother’s belongings, the more you miss her and it will be difficult for you to get out of depression. Give your mother’s clothes and shoes and other stuff in donations. However, don’t throw away all her things, just keep selected items, for instance keep your mother’s gold bracelet or her photographs or her handwritten letters - to cherish her sweet memories.  

  Change the atmosphere

Sometimes it’s really hard to let go. When my cousin’s mother passed away, for days she did not let any one change the bed sheet of her mother’s bed as she was not ready to face the reality. There is no point keeping the things as they are - they may haunt you. Change the setting of the bedroom where your mother used to live. If you keep on staying in the same atmosphere then you get stuck. The changed setting will help you in getting on with your life. 

  Keep yourself occupied

You must have heard this phrase, ‘an idol mind is the devil’s playground’. This is so true. An idol mind gives us too much time to reflect and remain in our mourning and stagnation. It also allows negative thought in and this can be a very hard cycle to break. When I lost my mother I naturally took some time off. Guess what? Returning to the office was one of the nicest feelings believe it or not. I had something to look forward to. Going back to work always helps one in getting back to life. If you don’t work then divert your attention towards house hold chores. This is the best therapy.

  Faith matters

As believers we all know that every soul has to go back to its Creator when one. This is a reality which we all have to face sooner or later. So when we lose our dear ones we should not lose our faith. Actually coping with any kind of trauma depends a lot on how weak or strong our faith is. When our faith is strong; it miraculously helps us in bearing the loss.

It is very important to share your feelings with your spiritual leader who can guide you accordingly. You may also find solace by reciting ‘Quran’ for your late mother. As according to our Prophet this is the best gift we can give to our parents if they are no more in this world.

 Take your mother’s legacy ahead

If you really loved your mother then try to follow her footsteps. Now, the responsibility is on your shoulders to carry on the family’s traditions and norms. For instance; if she used to welcome relatives and guests at her house; you should also welcome them. Try to be as hospitable, caring and gentle as she was. Try to keep in touch with your relatives; keep cordial relations with them. Don’t feel bad about not having your mom who would pray for you. By giving same kind of respect and value to your elders in the family; you can earn all those ‘duas’!

  This mother’s day - share it with your aunts

And finally don’t lose heart or feel dejected on Mother’s Day. Hey, you have your doting aunts around you who were close to your mother. Celebrate Mother’s Day with them. Make your mom’s favourite dishes and call them over. Spend a relaxed afternoon - sharing your mother’s beautiful memories - with them. Believe me, when you do all this, it will give your mind and heart a lot of happiness and peace.

 

Erum Noor Muzaffar is the editor of You! magazine.
She can be contacted at: iram29@hotmail.com