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By You Desk
Tue, 04, 16

I am a 40-year-old married woman. I have had a lot of problems with my mother-in-law since my marriage five years back.

Hi Nadine,

I am a 40-year-old married woman. I have had a lot of problems with my mother-in-law since my marriage five years back. Let me explain my particular situation: Eight years ago, I lost my husband due to illness. My two sons were 10 and 12 years of age then. Five years ago, my cousin lost his wife. He had a young family because he had married late. His son was seven and daughter five at that time. Initially, it was a marriage of convenience. He wanted a wife who would take over the running of his home so he could concentrate on his business, but we developed a lot of affection for each other and our respective children. I must say that his children also accepted me and they treat my sons as their real brothers. Ideal situations, right? It would have been except for my mother/sisters-in-law. They constantly interfere with our family life, and although my mother-in-law is my paternal uncle’s wife, she treats my children with contempt. She says hurtful things to my sons about my late husband and they feel very bad. My sisters-in-law also resent the fact that my husband is very loving towards my sons, and keep telling him to beware of the snakes in the bosom. My husband sometimes shouts at his sisters, and sometimes ignores them. He never answers back my mother-in-law, but to make up for her rudeness takes my children out for an ice cream or a drink. He tells me to just ignore his mother, but how can I do that when she drops by every other day?

Disgruntled Daughter-in-Law

 

Dear Disgruntled Daughter-in-Law,

Your mother-in-law is not a generous, compassionate lady. Her behaviour towards your sons cannot be condoned because it has the potential to destroy the peaceful environment of your house. It is not enough to ignore her behaviour; she and her daughters need to be told that they cannot continue to harass your sons. It’s your husband who must speak up; he does not have to shout at his mother, but can tell her politely to stop interfering in your household affairs. If that does not work, you will have to make sure that your sons are not exposed to your mother-in-law. When she comes over, tell them to keep to their rooms, or send them out on some errand. You should also try to keep yourself busy with some work or the other when she visits you, to avoid bickering with her.

In spite of that, if she or your sisters-in-law seek you out and say rude stuff, tell them to speak to your husband, and make yourself scarce. You can explain to your husband that you are doing this to avoid confrontation with them. Do not be rude to them as it would only give them ammunition to use against you. You also need to explain to your sons that they must not take everything your mother-in-law says to heart. Tell them to avoid being in her presence, but when they come across her, be polite. Hopefully, she will get bored and turn her attention elsewhere. Best of luck!

 

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