Letters

Hello Nadine

Five years back, when I became a university student, I met a guy, Z, and we became friends. We both used to sit in the first row, and got in the habit of doing our assignments together. We found out we had a lot of things in common and we became friends. We did not fall in love and were just very good friends but our class mates thought otherwise. I tried my best to clarify it to my friends, but only my best friend, D, believed me, as we had been together since grade 1. Then we graduated, and went our ways. Z went for higher studies abroad, and I got a job. However, Z and I have remained in touch. My parents wanted to marry me off, and accepted a proposal of a guy who had done MBA from a very good university and had landed a good job in a multi-national company. I got engaged to H in a big ceremony and I was quite happy. The wedding date was set at that time, and we will get married in February if all goes well. Unfortunately, however, one of H’s cousins, S, who attended the engagement was also my class fellow in the university. She told my mother-in-law that I was romantically attached to Z, and my mother-in-law told H that I was tainted goods. H came to talk to me and asked me if that was true. I told him that Z was and still is a very good friend, and we just worked together well which gave others the impression we were together. I told him that I was willing to talk to my best friend on speaker in front of him, so he could learn the truth. He agreed, and I called D and told her what S had told my in-laws. D was horrified. She had not attended my engagement because she was not in city, so hadn’t met S. D said that people had such small and dirty minds. She said it was the girls who refused to accept that Z and I were friends only but all the boys in our class knew the true situation. She offered to tell H the truth, but I just thanked her and hung up. H is a pretty good sort of a guy. Since he is himself a graduate of a good university, he is aware of how people think, and he apologised to me for bringing it up. He said he only wanted to know if I was coerced into getting engaged and if that had been the case, he would have broken the engagement. I thought things would be all right, but I was wrong. S came to visit me with my H’s mom, and was pretty mean to me. H’s mom said I had brainwashed her son, but she did not believe in my innocence and would watch me very closely. She said all this when my mother went to attend a call. It seems H refused to break our engagement despite his mother’s demand and she said I had cast a spell on her son. I was really disturbed and the next time H called, I told him what had happened. I offered to break the engagement myself, but H said he likes me and respects my honesty and would not marry anyone as he has developed feelings for me. He said once we get married, his mother would be all right. I must say that H’s attitude and personality has won my heart but I am scared of his mother. In the four months we have been engaged, I have fallen in love with my fiancé, but I remain scared of his mother. What should I do?

Confused Gemini

Dear Confused Gemini,

You should not be scared of anyone because you have a clear conscience. You did well by speaking to your friend D on speaker in front of H, although it is sad that it had to be done to make him believe you. In an ideal situation, H should have been satisfied by your explanation but he did not know you at that time, and probably agreed to listen to the conversation with D, to make sure you had told him the truth. However, he seems like a good guy and has a strong personality. He did not give in to his mother’s demand, and has developed feelings for you, so there is no need to break this engagement. Relationships are based on trust and respect, and you both seem to have developed these traits for each other. In addition, you also love him and should not give him up just because of a scary mother-in-law to be. H is right in saying that things would settle once you are married. His mother will get to know you better and will change her mind. If she is like her son and has an open mind, your job will be easy, but it is possible that she would give you a tough time initially. With a little patience, you can win her over, and it will be easy because you will have H’s support. Since you love H, putting in a little extra effort to make things work is not a great deal to ask. Just prepare for your wedding and cross the bridge when you come to it.

Good luck