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By You Desk
Tue, 10, 20

Few days back, my cousin with whom I had some sort of understanding, asked me to marry him....

Dear Nadine,

I am a 25-year-old girl, and after doing BS I am working in a private firm. I have a problem that I cannot share with anyone, because my relatives and friends will probably get the impression that I am a flirt, which I am not! I am quite pretty and have many male friends, but I consider them friends only. Unfortunately, for them I am special. As far as I am concerned, I had an understanding with my cousin before I started working. However, at workplace, I met a guy, H, and we became close. He asked me to marry him, and told me that he would ask his parents to speak to mine. After a few days, he said that his parents want him to marry some other girl. I was impressed by his honesty. After that, we remained friends for six months, because he said we were friends first and should remain friends. Then things changed and one day H told me that he was getting engaged. I became upset because deep in my heart I had this hope that he would convince his parents, and that is why I had agreed to remain friends with him. Anyway, I broke up with him. Few days back, my cousin with whom I had some sort of understanding, asked me to marry him. He is nice, but I think he is a bit possessive about me. Another problem is that I am afraid to tell him about H, because I think he won’t like it. Here, I would like to tell you that H belongs to another religion, so I think even if he had managed to convince his parents, mine would have rejected him outright. I still am not over H, and to make me jealous he has started flirting with girls in the office. It hurts me because I still have feelings for him, and will always love him. I am in a fix, and don’t know what to do. Please help!

Girl in a Fix

Dear Girl in a Fix,

It is very clear that H had no intention to marry you. He proposed to you to keep you sweet and knew that this so-called proposal would make you trust him. Had he been serious and sincere, he would have discussed the matter with his parents, and then proposed to you since he knew he would not go against them. He won your sympathy vote by placing the blame on his parents, and continued to enjoy your friendship till he told you about his engagement. Besides, your parents would also have been against this match because H follows another religion. My dear, H is not a decent guy; he flirts with other girls to hurt you, which shows he has a mean streak, and has a low moral compass; he did not even care about the fact that he was getting engaged, just to get back at you. So, I would say good riddance. At the moment you think you will always love him but what we often tend to forget or disregard is one fact: time makes us forget and heal. Give yourself some time to get over him. You already have your cousin’s proposal, and if you consider it you will get over H very soon. You think your cousin is a bit possessive and if that is the case you should not worry. The problem arises when guys become over-possessive. You don’t need to tell your cousin about H, because you had an understanding with him only; you did not have a commitment. Discuss the pros and cons of this proposal with your parents, and let yourself be guided by their counsel. Best of luck!