Is it my imagination or all of a sudden there is an avalanche of blogs, articles, and interviews all around about working mums versus the stay-at-home mums?
opinion
Is it my imagination or all of a sudden there is an avalanche of blogs, articles, and interviews all around about working mums versus the stay-at-home mums? There are conflicting point of views and strong arguments for and against each side. Who has it tougher? And more blatantly who is the better mommy?
Having ridden both the boats I consider myself quite an authority on the subject. However, I felt I had left penning down my opinions too late in the day (procrastination has been my nemesis). Nevertheless, as I came across more and more content on this topic on local as well as international media, I finally decided to add my own two cents to the debate.
I started working pretty early in life, when I joined a multinational bank as an intern. Even though I had yet to complete my studies at that point in time, I never looked back and went on to work for a Newspaper, an advertising agency and finally a Multinational fast-moving consumer goods (FMCG). A varied journey, which I totally loved in every way.
The changes brought more challenges that I embraced with much zeal and enthusiasm up until the time that I had my twins, who were also my first kids incidentally. This in turn meant that this was a life changing event that brought with it physical, mental and emotional demands. All of a sudden my entire life was just focused on these two new people. Not very different from the movie shots where the camera lens starts from the shot of the entire ball of earth and then zooms into it further and further till it is focused only onto one narrow solitary object. I also felt like my focus and energies narrowed in to the two new bundles of joy in my life. I had to take a sabbatical during my pregnancy that turned into an extended leave till my twins were about nine months old. At this point, I took a part time job and tried to juggle the kids and career for a year after which I realized it wasn't happening for me and it would be best to say good bye to my career.
A tough decision to take by any measure. It really was not as simple as it seems right now when I am typing it down. I feel the one or two sentences that I have used to describe this major milestone in my life miserably fail to do justice to the complex thought process that was involved in arriving at this conclusion.
I had loved working, I loved my job, but I was in a situation where a decision had to be made. And here I am six years down the road, finally looking back and reflecting so that I can pen down and share my personal experience with so many mothers out there who have faced the same cross road and confusion, and taken whatever decision that was better in their own personal circumstances.
So how did life pan out after that? Overall, it has been pretty ok. There are times when I forget and ask myself why did I give up a career? And then I remind myself that it was for my twins. So I need perspective from time to time.
There are pros and cons to each side. First and foremost, I choose not to indulge in self pity rather think of it as a privilege that I could choose and decide whether I wanted to be with my kids full time. Yes, it did take away the professional bit but left me with some invaluable things too.
One of my girls was weaker than the other and needed a lot of my time and attention in terms of her health. Had I not quit, I wouldn't have been able to do so with full concentration. There are many other perks also that come with the territory. I could finally take up other hobbies and activities that I could never pursue earlier because of my job. I connected with a lot of friends and family better, as I had more time on hands.
Yes, I will not lie; there are days when you are engulfed in a feeling of uselessness and directionless. You crave an aim, a more tangible job description. But then haven't I gone through the similar emotions and phases while being a full time working professional too?
Coming back to this never ending discussion about our takes on the working versus not working mum - the fact of the matter is every human being has his or her own path to take in this life. It is based on their individual circumstances, personalities and choices. No person can look at another and pass a judgment on what he or she is doing is right or wrong. That is because we don't know their entire situation and more importantly they own their right to choose as much as we do. If I had to put my two cents on this subject matter in a minimum of words I would say to all mothers out there let's not judge each other and ourselves, it's not a competition or race. A mommy is a mommy, not more not less, whether she is a brain surgeon or a college drop out!
