I totally get your concern; you are miffed at your in-laws because they abandoned you and your children when you needed their support, and you don’t want your sons to become a part of their family, but whether you like it or not, they are a part of that family.
Dear Professor Nadine,
I am a 53-year-old working woman, and I am a widow. I have three children. When my husband passed away, my eldest son was 10, and my twins (a son and daughter) were 7. Fortunately for me, the company where my husband worked had a very kind-hearted and generous proprietor. He gave me my husband’s job. As a single parent, bringing up three kids was tough. My own mother was bed-ridden and my in-laws’ cooperation was limited to giving my children eidi twice a year. My brothers were not well off, but they helped a lot in other ways, like looking after them when I had to work late and much more. My problem is that now when my sons are grown up and well educated, my mother-in-law wants them to marry their paternal cousins. While, I want my sons to marry the daughters of my brothers, because they have always stood by us. My mother-in-law has been trying to emotionally blackmail my sons by telling them how their father’s spirit would rejoice if they are re-connected with his family. I don’t want them to become a part of their father’s family. The thing is that not once have they talked about my daughter! My eldest son is 29 and the twins are 26 years old, so yes they should get married. But how can I make them understand not to trust the people who did not care about us and did nothing when we needed their help? Disturbed Mom
Dear Professor,
I am a 35-year-old married woman. I have two school going kids. Since I had time, I decided to do a diploma from a reputable institute. That is where the problem started. I fell in love with a handsome and sophisticated teacher, who came for only ten days to teach. I did not wish to marry my husband, but my parents forced me to marry him. My husband is a loving person, but he does not earn well. I compromised but life has not been easy. Anyway, this teacher I fell in love with also kept staring at me in the classroom and my class fellow told me that he is in love with me. So, I messaged him on Facebook that I loved him but he blocked me! I know he is married and has two kids, but I can’t control my feelings. So, I made a fake account and offered myself to him. He read the messages but didn’t reply. I got his cell number and called him, but the moment he heard my voice, he hung up. I know he loves me because I caught him looking at me many times, but I don’t know why he avoids me. I have lost interest in my husband. We fight a lot and we have major issues. I compare my husband with him a lot. Nadine, I honestly want to get rid of this feeling for him. I sometimes want to end my life because I hate myself for running after him. I am only living for my kids. Please help me.
Desperate for Love
Dear Disturbed Mom,
I totally get your concern; you are miffed at your in-laws because they abandoned you and your children when you needed their support, and you don’t want your sons to become a part of their family, but whether you like it or not, they are a part of that family. Having said that, you should realize that their marriage should not depend on who did what for them. You sound if they have to pay the debt they owe to their maternal uncles, which is wrong. Family members are supposed to help each other, with no strings attached. So, instead of fretting about who your sons should marry, ask them what they wish to do. Tell them not to be swayed by any blackmail or whitemail and make their own minds. After all, it’s their life; their inclination should be taken into account if you want them to be happily married. Best of luck!
Dear Desperate for Love,
After reading your very long letter that has been edited due to scarcity of space carefully, I have come to the conclusion that it’s not love that is troubling you; it is a super crush that you have for this guy who is handsome and sophisticated, qualities that you wanted in your husband. You need to control your feelings. If you don’t you will mess up your married life even more. This guy has clearly shown you that he does NOT want anything to do with you. He is married and seems satisfied with his life. He may have looked at you but that didn’t mean he was attracted to you. If a guy looks at an attractive woman, it doesn’t mean he has any intentions of being unfaithful to his wife. It seems that your ego is hurt at this rejection and that is why you are pursuing him, despite repeated rejections. You need to move on and make up with your husband. Money is not everything, dear, and you need to realize that if you spurn true love, you will only end up destroying your own life. If you are unsatisfied with your financial standing, get a job and try to make things better. Give more time to your children and house work. Go out with your family and try to enjoy and cherish what you have. Good luck!
