Letters

Dear Nadine,

I am a 45-year-old married man. My wife is a working woman and we have two daughters and a son. We live in a semi-joint family; my parents live on the ground floor and we are on the first floor. Both portions are completely independent, with separate kitchens and gates. Since I am my parents’ only son, my mother was - still is - very possessive about me. My wife was my mother’s choice but within the first week of my wedding things started going bad. My mother started criticizing my wife openly. Her treatment was so bad that my wife also became angry and started answering back. Within a few months, things became so heated that my wife demanded a separate house. My mother was not willing to let me move so we compromised; we stayed in the same house but moved to the first floor.

Things should have become better but my mother and wife did not resolve their differences. Even after the birth of my son my mother refused to thaw. She loves my children but with my wife her differences remain very much alive. Now the problem is that for the past few months my mother has not been keeping well. In the beginning, my wife went to her portion to offer help but my mother snubbed her badly and said very cutting things in front of the neighbours who had come to see her. My wife went to sit with her a couple of times but she said such mean things that my wife told me she would not visit her again.

Since the past few weeks, my mother’s condition has grown very bad. Now she wants my wife to come and supervise the servants and take charge of the kitchen but my wife is not willing to do it. As a result servants are taking advantage of the situation. My mother often goes hungry because the maid doesn’t care about her and is not conscientious about her work. How can I convince my wife to forget what my mother did and help me out in this situation?

Harassed Guy

Dear Harassed Guy,

Most mothers-in-law behave very badly towards their daughters-in-law when they have a strong position in the household and are healthy. Your mother, too, forgot that she would not always be strong and young. Her attitude towards your wife was so bad that she cannot be blamed for not wanting to help her out. You can only try to make your wife understand that if she forgives your mother for your sake, she will have your eternal gratitude. Better still, if she forgives your mother for God’s sake, she will get her reward in this world and in the hereafter. So talk to her and ask her to forgive your mother. Explain to her that if she acts generously now, she will please God and would probably have a very good old age, a lot better than her mother-in-law! Best of luck!

 

Problems that need a solution?
You can e mail Prof. Nadine Khan at nadinekhan_34@yahoo.com

Note: If you feel you need someone to talk to when you are alone, to hare a

problem with, or just to get something that has upset or disturbed you off your chest,

share it with us. Write to Prof. Nadine Khan, ­c/o Editor ‘You!’ magazine,

The News, Al-ehman Building (4th Floor) I.I Chundrigar Road, Karachi.